BOLD, FORWARD AND BEAUTIFUL: A woman’s guide to reinventing herself after a negative break-up experience.
The complete concept of this book was revealed to me one Sunday morning while I was reflecting on my journey of reinvention, after a series of set backs that negatively affected my personal and professional life. I hope that in some way, I honor both the dignity and respect I have for those of you who took the journey with me. You know who you are and for your support I am truly grateful. Thanks to Gayon Stobbs and Lucretia Rowe for your feedback and hard work in helping me put this book together.
To all the wonderful people I have met during my experiments for the book, I appreciate every single one of you. I wish you all happiness and success. You are now exhaling with me and cheering me on and I Thank you!
This is dedicated to Adrian-James who deserves the very best in life
Foreword
How did I get here?
Perhaps you are reading this book because you are at a crossroads in your life and the signs of where you go next are not clear. Like me, you may have gone through personal set backs such as , a bitter divorce, separation, a bad break-up or betrayal by a loved one. Whatever it is, you can personalize this Reinvention plan to fit your respective situation.
I am not here to be your Therapist or Life Coach, however, if one or more of the above scenarios are familiar to you, chances are, I may be able to help you put your life back on track, simply by sharing my personal formula of Reinvention. Despite your experiences and the severity of your circumstances, the important thing is that you are ready to embrace change and to shift your paradigm to encourage a successful Reinvention.
First I want to share some important aspects of my own personal story.
Prior to the year 2004, I cannot recall any situations that have had such significant impact on my life as those that followed over the next four year period. It seemed like my road to damnation started in October 2004 when I was fired from my job as a respected Marketing Executive at one of the Caribbean’s top companies. This as a result of something I could have done differently. Within the same period, I was dealing with the recent ending of a long relationship that had ended amicably and my son was only eleven months old at the time. So not only was I a new mother, I was alone to handle most of the quirks of motherhood while dealing with the loss of a job and trying to find one.
Shortly after getting back on track, I met someone who seemed like a great fit. For a while, I was able to relax because I had some companionship. I cannot blame vulnerability for my decision to proceed without caution into a full fledged relationship soon after, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that my decision was not a sensible one. Whilst my son had the privilege and love of a two parent environment, the circumstances that came with that were riddled with betrayal, hurt, deceit, mistrust and disappointments. It is often said that a woman’s scorn is worst than the sting of a serpent. For me, having to live with the reality of a failed and broken relationship due to someone else’s indiscretions, catapulted me into a curvy five feet, eight inches green eyed serpent whose sting was venomous!
There were many twists and turns during the tumultuous tenure of the relationship that I choose not to share because of its impact on others. However, if there was one phase in my life I would wish to forget, it would be that phase of uncertainty, insecurity and unimaginable pain that was created as a result of my failed relationship.
I soon realized that I spent far too much time giving priority to that phase of my life by rehashing the bad memories and reliving the scenarios that had left me so broken and bitter. The entire outcome of my situation was simply a woman undone.
I would like to share a quote from one of my favorite bloggers turned Author, Marguerite Orane, the Author of “Free and Laughing” – Publisher, Neil Persadsing (April 24, 2008)
In one of her blog entries, Marguerite posted a very moving statement that I would like to use as the premise to how we start the plan. “What we have to accept is that we will never figure out other’s logic-the time spent trying to do so is time that is wasted. We will never figure it out. The only thing to do is accept people, their thoughts and actions as they are, to accept that that is the way things are” She went on to state that if this is done, “It’s a result we are moving forward rather than being stuck in a never ending circle of trying to understand others”-
If you accept that these are truly profound statements, then we are off to a good start. This book is designed to help you during a fourteen day period with insightful life commentaries, my personal stories of disappointments, triumphs, reinvention and some exciting activities to help you along.
The book’s sole purpose is to assist you in focusing on you as a distraction for what and who has caused you hurt by enabling you to do things that will help you learn more about yourself and help you become a better stronger individual.
THE REINVENTION PLAN
I want you to be excited about the next chapter in your life, so over the course of the next fourteen days, you will have the opportunity to appreciate yourself a whole lot more than you did yesterday. You will also get to do some things you love and learn new and exciting things about yourself and life in general. Some days will be pretty light and some will be down right intense. It is important for me to acknowledge that the success of this reinvention plan depends entirely on you. You are encouraged to be open-minded, prepared and excited about your plan. There are a few props that you will need to secure in order to complete some of the activities. Take today to locate a few or all of the items that are needed for your plan.
A Journal
Pens, pencils, markers (different colors)
Glue and tape
A pair of scissors
Favorite photos of you
Old copies of magazines
Accents or anything that decorates
Favorite music list
It is possible that you may repeat some of the activities more than once but this is simply because it is necessary to do so. If after the fourteen days you feel as if you want to continue, repeat as many activities as you would like. Some of the suggestions may not be possible on the days specified, so do them when you can. The important factor is that you are open to it and you have fully embraced the idea that this is a positive step towards your reinvention. This is of course totally dependent on your acceptance to want change. If you get bored, put the book down and continue when you mind is in a better place. Be prepared to do a lot of writing.
In order to prepare successfully for each activity, I recommend that you read one day ahead. So technically,, your Day One will actually be Day Two and so on.
Let's go forward!
Day 1
I am feeling it
A few weeks after the demise of my relationship, I vividly remember the day when I sat in my living room in Florida with a half pint of Publix Neapolitan flavored ice-cream eating and crying at the same time because that was the only thing I wanted to do. Sometimes I cry while rifling through old family photographs and keepsakes. I don’t know what makes you cry, but today, hopefully will the last time you cry over your situation.
My townhouse was built with a large mirror at the landing between my two level staircases, on one of my many trips up and down, one day I finally looked in it. That day I did not like what I saw. Not only was my hair a mess, I did not like who I saw underneath the baggy nightgown I had chosen to wear at two o clock in the afternoon on a very cheerful Florida day. I took a long hard look in the mirror and decided that very moment, that what I was crying over was not worth my time or energy, or for that matter, worth me missing out on a perfectly good shopping day.
I know the following exercise is easier said than done.
What is affecting you? Write down your situation exactly as you are going through it or exactly how you are dealing with it at present. It may be something that happened a long time ago but you are still affected by it to this day or it may be something that happened recently.
Whatever it is, this simple exercise will help you put the feelings in perspective as it had done for me. Even if you write a daily journal or have had counseling, start this activity as a brand new beginning.
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Today you are trying to come to terms with your feelings. I was hiding my feelings behind Neapolitan flavored ice-cream for a long time before I mustered the nerve to think back in order to write my feelings down. I cannot promise you this will be easy. But it is certainly the first step into understanding what you need to do to get better. Chances are you may have a little time on your hands after you have completed your activity and since it’s very important during any period of recovery to stay busy or focus. What would you like to do next?
Write down three things in order of importance that you can afford to do today. Choose one or all three and complete it by the end of the day. In this regard, make this the focus of your attention for the rest of the day.
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