Revolutions for Fun and Profit!
The Proletariat’s Guide to Political Uprisings,
Citizen Revolutions and Personal Hygiene
by Ryan Shattuck
Copyright © 2009 by Ryan Shattuck
All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Published by Bullshattuck Publishing
Smashwords Edition
FIRST EDITION: July 2010
Designed by Lani Dame
eBook formatted by Ryan Shattuck
Published in the United States of America
www.revolutionsforfunandprofit.com
Dedicated to Dick & Denny.
And other revolutionaries.
A WARNING ABOUT THIS BOOK
The book you are about to enjoy is very offensive. In fact, it should probably be banned by most libraries and churches. For that reason, I’ve printed this book on extremely flammable paper, (or iPad/iPhone/Kindle/abacus/etc.) should you decide to take that route. You’re welcome.
The reason this book is so offensive is because it is all about revolutions. As you may be surprised to learn, revolutions are not a very pleasant topic to discuss in front of polite company. Many revolutions are filled with murder. OFFENSIVE. Occasionally revolutions deal with kidnappings. OFFENSIVE. And some revolutions are even made in Taiwan. OFFENSIVE.
As you can see, these are very unsavory topics. But it doesn’t just stop there. There is language in this book that may offend your sensitivities, such as the word “bitch,” the word “bullshit,” and the most offensive language of all, “German.”
Revolutions often tend to be critical of some forms of government, of corporations, or some religions. Don’t be offended then, when you discover that this book mocks people from all religions, including Christians, Jews, and Muslims. It doesn’t however mock Scientologists, because the belief that the human race descended from space aliens is no laughing matter.
If after reading this warning you decide that this book is too offensive, I will understand. Perhaps you might enjoy Cats in Quilts: 14 Purrfect Projects (ISBN-13: 978-1571201751) instead.
What if you decide that you DO want to read the most revolutionary book of your lifetime?
Consider yourself warned.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Kristen Hintz and Jeremiah Knight
A Friendly, Yet Revolutionary Letter From the Author
What You Will Find In This Book
SECTION I: A History of Revolutions: Cowardice, Conmen, and Complacency
Introduction
Revolutions Throughout History
Countries and Their Revolutions
Famous Revolutionaries
Modern Revolutions
CHAPTER 2: Media: Killing Us Softly with Their Song
Introduction
Revolutions in Print Media
Revolutions in Music
Revolutions in Television
Section I in Review
SECTION II: Embrace the Hate: Learning to Love the Inner Revolutionary
Introduction
What Type of Revolution Do You Want?
What Type of Revolutionary Are You?
Who Are You Revolting Against?
CHAPTER 4: Becoming a Nonconforming, Independent, Anarchist Revolutionary: The Rules and Regulations
Introduction
The Revolutionary Code of Conduct
Forming a Belief System for Your Revolution
Informing Your Friends & Family About Your New Lifestyle
Section II in Review
SECTION III: The Brass Tacks of a Revolution: Because Somebody Broke the Stapler
CHAPTER 5: Grease Is the Word: But There Are Still Others to Choose From
Introduction
What Will You Call Your Revolution?
Deciding On Your Revolutionary Slogan
A Last Word: Does Your Revolution Need a Chant?
Introduction
Where Do You Find People For Your Revolution?
How to Find Revolutionaries Online
How Do You Convince People to Join?
CHAPTER 7: Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: Or Use Your Big Boy Words and Not Your Fists
Introduction
Even Revolutionaries Have Meetings
Intensity Level 1: Letters & Petitions
Intensity Level 2: Rallies & Protests
Intensity Level 3: Riots & Violence
Your Revolution Was Successful. Now What?
Section III in Review
EPILOGUE: This Is Not the Beginning of the Book
“A revolution is a fundamental change in power or organization structure that takes place in a relatively short period of time. ... Revolutions have occurred throughout human history and vary widely in terms of methods, duration, and motivating ideology. Their results include major changes in culture, economy, and socio-political institutions.”
— from the Wikipedia entry for “Revolutions”
Feel free to edit this page if you believe this is incorrect.
FOREWORD BY KRISTEN HINTZ & JEREMIAH KNIGHT
Ryan Meredith Shattuck is often referred to as the Hitler of comedy. He is also known as the Mussolini of cheese danishes, but that’s unimportant.
For the past forty years, Ryan has been perfecting the art of comedy. As a wildly unpopular stand-up comic, an editor of a wildly unpopular satirical website, and a wildly unpopular member of the Shattuck family, Ryan gained all the skills necessary to become a wildly unpopular self-published author.
For years, young Ryan took banjo lessons in the hope of becoming more like his idol (and the first person to issue a restraining order against him), Steve Martin. Much to his dismay, he discovered that no matter how hard he practiced, nobody wanted to hear him play the banjo. Not even his banjo teacher, which was not only ironic but a little sad. From this hardship, Ryan learned a valuable lesson. When it came to his unique brand of comedy, which he calls Comedygold™, Ryan had to focus first and foremost on his audience.
Since the decision to put his audience first, Ryan has found great success with his comedy. Of course, his audience usually consists of just himself and a bottle of wine. But regardless, Ryan and his bottle of wine think Ryan and his Comedygold™ are absolutely hilarious. For the first time, Ryan was popular. With himself. Provided he was drunk. So essentially, he was ridiculously popular. Ryan decided that this newfound popularity proved that the world was primed and ready for his first book.
The topic of this book came easily. Ryan’s love for comedy was second only to his love of history, particularly in the historical components of revolutions. Himself a child of the American Revolution, Ryan had long been fascinated with revolutionary figures. He immersed himself in books about Guevara, King, Nietzsche, and, for some reason, Kurt Russell. He poured through books about all the most important revolutions in history to find the most humorous anecdotes he could use for his book.
What Ryan discovered was that there is really nothing all that funny about revolutions. Most result in turmoil, grief, and bloodshed. Undeterred, Ryan decided that if history would not accommodate him, he would invent his own history. He would stick to the essentials of Comedygold™, and simply make facts up to suit his own purposes.
And so we have Revolutions for Fun and Profit! A book all about facts Ryan Shattuck made up, assisted by his best friend, a bottle of wine.
—Kristen Hintz
Ryan’s great.
—Jeremiah Knight
A FRIENDLY, YET REVOLUTIONARY LETTER FROM THE AUTHOR
Dearest Reader,
Good evening. Or morning, as the case may be.
I’d like to thank you for purchasing and/or borrowing and/or stealing this book from an associate and/or public library and/or book seller, for you hold in your hand(s) a complete and unabridged guide for the burgeoning revolutionary. You may now prepare yourself for the revolution of a lifetime. You are about to change the world.
This is true; the world is changing, and just one person will be responsible for this change — YOU. In our modern world of fast cars and loose change, one simply needs to look around to recognize that inequality and injustice prevail in even the smallest crevices of society. Who will ensure that women get the right to vote, that gay men get the right to marry, and that children get the right to do neither, due to those pesky labor laws?
YOU. The revolutionary.
As you will soon learn, revolutions are the catalyst for the progress in our world. Now, I recognize that you may not be familiar with the term, “revolutions.” You may also be under the impression that revolutions consist entirely of drum circles, ice cream socials, and communal sex. This is factually incorrect. Statistically speaking, less than a quarter of all revolutions include some combination of drum circles, ice cream socials, and communal sex, public or private.
“I’m interested; sign me up for the revolution!” Wait just a minute. Like old-fashioned alchemy or whittling miniature Lincoln death masks out of hotel bar soap, hosting your own revolution is rather difficult. You may have to furrow your brow. You may have to program your VCR/TiVo hybrid to record your favorite television shows. Sacrifice will be required! Now I recognize that you, dear reader, may feel discouraged. You may feel depressed and consider ending your life because you believe that all of the good causes have already been revolted for and you have little to offer. Pull yourself together! As you will later learn, this is not so.
So sally forth, gentle reader! You say you want a revolution? Then turn off Dancing With the Stars, put down the cheese doodles, and put on your Birkenstocks — I’m going to make you into a revolutionary. Let the wind be at your back and your enemies at your feet. Short enemies.
In the immortal words of the late Susan B. Anthony, “Git-r-done!”
Hugs and kisses (Platonically, of course),
Ryan Shattuck
WHAT YOU WILL FIND IN THIS BOOK
Revolutionary Trivia
Entertaining facts and trivia that are sure to make you the life of any party! Only works if everyone’s been drinking.
In Their Own Revolutionary Words
Don’t just take my word as gospel, although I’m flattered by those who do. Read what actual revolutionaries have said on the subject.
Revolutionary Quizzes
This is simply to make sure that you’ve been paying attention.
Revolutionary Graphs and Charts
If a single picture is worth a thousand words, then a bar graph must only be worth something like seventeen words, because when was the last time you saw a framed bar graph in the Louvre? (Although I am told they do have a fine collection of late-Baroque pie charts.)
Revolutionary Checklists
You finally have a reason to use the ballpoint pen that you’ve been keeping in the cupboard all those years.
Revolutionary Coffee Stains
Please be more careful.
Revolutionary Torn Pages
We understand that you were babysitting your nephew, but books about revolutions are not meant to be children’s playthings.
Revolutionary Bookmark from the Previous Library Patron
What is this, a cigarette?
Your Missing Car Keys
Why are they always in the last place you look?
You say you want a revolution? (Please don’t sue me if you’re The Beatles. Or if you’re anybody else for that matter.) How nice for you. And what type of revolution do you want? An Upper Paleolithic revolution? An abortive socialist revolution? You have no idea, do you? You just happen to like the song by The Beatles, and that’s good enough for you. Think you know everything there is to know about the history of revolutions? You don’t. And not by a long shot.
Even if you possessed a degree in revolutionology and had spent the better half of your life studying the history of revolutions, you still wouldn’t know everything there is to now; like the glorious monarch butterfly, history is inconsistent and is constantly evolving. In fact, many people are surprised to learn that history also has a larval stage. (It also eats milkweed)
Unbeknownst to much of the public, historians no longer attempt to record the stories and experiences of the revolutionaries that have fundamentally impacted world history. Simply put, revolutionaries do not want people to keep records about them. While records certainly exist of the comings and goings of revolutionaries, these are always produced from a third person point of view, as most have been made against the strict wishes of said revolutionaries.
Why is this — why this desire by revolutionaries to not be remembered? Many theories have been postulated. Some revolutionary historical theorists — or revoluhistorists — have theorized that this desire to remain anonymous is simply a noble request on behalf of the revolutionary to make a positive social change, without having to concern oneself with the repercussions of gratitude.
Another theory about why revolutionaries wishing to remain anonymous, states that this makes it easier for the revolutionary to get away with all sorts of crap. (Like square dancing.)
Let’s say, for example, that you’re technological revolutionary Bill Gates, and you change your order at a restaurant from chicken to fish. Not very easy to do, without the rumor mills going into overload, claiming that you’ve officially changed your diet from regular meat-eater to that of a pescetarian, (Seriously. It’s a word.) and thus all computers running Windows will inevitably crash. Now let’s say you’re Joe Nobody, and you change your order at a restaurant from chicken to fish — after murdering a few people during a revolution. “I’m sorry Mr. Nobody, but we’re out of fish. What’s that you say? You just murdered a few people in the name of some fill-in-the-blank revolution? That’s great, Mr. Nobody. More wine?”
You can’t even blow your nose, when you’re Bill Gates. You can murderously revolt against oppressive noses, when you’re Joe Nobody and it won’t even make the newspaper.
Some revolutionaries actually take preventative measures to keep their records secret. No one really knows what happened to Joan of Arc, for example, as she burned all factual records about her life with her at the stake. (How’s that for irony, John of Lancaster, 1st Duke of Bedford!)
As such, the following history may or may not be “correct” or “accurate” in terms of historical revolutionaries who “may” or “may not have,” at the very least, “existed.” I have done my best to research the history of revolutions and their subsequent revolutionaries, but where blanks were found, blanks were filled. If I read a passage that said: “Mahatma Gandhi favored the ______________ type of revolution,” then I assumed “Mahatma Gandhi favored the incredibly violent type of revolution.” Etc, etc, etc.
The rest, as they say, is history. Or as a revolutionary historical theorist might put it, “revoluhistoristy.”
A REVOLUTIONARY FUN FACT!
The word “revolution” was named after Hubert de Revolution. Hubert — or “Bitch Tits,” as he was known to his friends — was born in Spain in 1843. After working at a factory for over a decade, Hubert eventually grew tired of the dismal conditions — and furious over the cancellation of Casual Friday — and led his coworkers on a successful revolt against factory owners. Previous to this event, the term “revolution” did not exist and such revolutionaries had no way of demonstrating their desire to “stick it to the man.” Thanks to Hubert de Revolution, as well as his contemporary, Jose Political Uprising, we now enjoy the privilege of getting mad as hell and not taking it anymore. In addition to wearing jeans every Friday.
REVOLUTIONS THROUGHOUT HISTORY
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He then created Man and Woman. Only minutes after He created them, did Man and Woman revolt against God in an attempt to demonstrate that there’s nothing the bourgeoisie cannot do when united in a common goal. God then struck down the revolutionaries with a fierce punishment, and that is why we no longer have tails.
From Day One, revolutions have played an important part in history. They’ve been responsible for good, they’ve been responsible for evil, and they’ve been responsible for bringing second-rate television shows back to life. The role of revolutionary truly is the world’s oldest profession. Now some may argue that the “world’s oldest profession” is that of prostitute, but this is simply untrue. Not only is the revolutionary the world’s oldest profession, but unlike a prostitute, most revolutionaries don’t charge by the hour. (But they will steal your wallet.)
It’s true that unlike a corset, revolutions are not one-size-fits-all, nor are they as comfortable. Some people revolt against the government (a political revolution), while others revolt against corn (an agricultural revolution). Before an aspiring revolutionary starts his or her own revolution, he or she must first learn about the various types of revolutions that have occurred in the past. You wouldn’t go on a blind date with somebody without Googling their name and performing an exhaustive background check on them, would you? The same goes for a revolutionary — you must learn about the revolution that you’re joining before you actually start the revolution.
Although there are as many variations of revolutions as there are grains of sand on a beach, I have decided to include here only fifteen variations, thus making for very large grains of sand on a very small beach. (There isn’t even enough room to play midget beach volleyball.) Revolutions fall into three primary categories: “Political / Socioeconomic Revolutions,” “Intellectual / Philosophical / Technological Revolutions,” and “Miscellaneous Revolutions.” A fourth category may also be applied with crazy glue and good old-fashioned moxie.
A REVOLUTIONARY FUN FACT!
Did you know that the Scottish Agricultural Revolution was the inspiration behind a Lifetime Original Movie? While I’ve never actually seen it, and am not entirely sure what it’s about, I do know that the guy in the movie probably gets what’s coming to him.
POLITICAL / SOCIOECONOMIC REVOLUTIONS
Political Revolutions
Political revolutions are revolutions in which one form of government is replaced with another form of government, as was the case with the French Revolution. These types of revolutions will be the primary focus of this book. Political revolutions are often favored by anarchists, the criminally insane, and third-party presidential candidates. (Yes, I realize this is redundant.)
Social Revolutions
The social revolution is one of the more common, but gradual of the revolutions. The Civil Rights Movement and the Counterculture Revolution of the Sixties are all examples of social revolutions. When most people say, “We want a social revolution,” what they really mean to say is, “We want to start a bottom-up social uprising in an attempt at reforming society’s attitudes towards religion, personal identity, and freedom of speech.” Unfortunately, this does not fit on a bumper sticker (Unless you drive a Hummer.)— and if it’s not on a bumper sticker, it doesn’t exist.
Proletarian/Communist Revolutions
A proletarian revolution or “communist revolution,” as it is known to those who enjoy wearing lots of red, is the name given to a revolution in which the working class overthrows capitalism. The proletarian revolution is the cornerstone of Marxism, and is favored by those who can’t afford the more expensive, shinier revolutions.
Non-Violent Revolutions
A centuries old idea, the non-violent revolution became popular with Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. Most non-violent revolutions are named after fruits, flowers, or candy, such as Ukraine’s Orange Revolution, the Republic of Kyrgyzstan’s Tulip Revolution, and Georgia’s Rose Revolution. This strikes fear into the hearts of anyone who fears fruits or flowers. Non-violent revolutions generally tend to be boring.
INTELLECTUAL / PHILOSOPHICAL / TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTIONS
Agricultural Revolutions
The agricultural revolution is a type of revolution in which advancements in technology lead to increases in agricultural productivity. It’s also the name given to any revolution where farmers attempt to overthrow oppressive ears of corn. (And celery, if it’s in season.)
Digital Revolutions
The original digital revolution, which saw the birth of the personal computer, lasted from 1834 to 1835. This revolution quickly waned however, once it became clear that computers would serve no practical purpose. The computer has since been replaced by the more practical abacus.
Industrial Revolutions
The industrial revolution was a period during the 18th and 19th centuries in Britain, and later the rest of the world, that brought about the origination of machinery and steam power. These advancements have since fundamentally changed nearly all aspects of our lives. When you wake up in the morning for work, look at your steam-powered alarm clock and think, “If it weren’t for the industrial revolution, I’d still be asleep right now.”
Scientific Revolutions
See: Proletarian/Communist Revolutions, but with scientists.
Sexual Revolutions
A sexual revolution is generally anything that Madonna did in the ’80s. (Except vogueing.) Considered by historians to be one of the more enjoyable revolutions, the number of sexual revolutions throughout history far outweighs the number of nonsexual revolutions. If you’re allowed just one revolution in your lifetime, make it a sexual revolution. (And if you’re allowed just one beer, make it a Bud Light.)
MISCELLANEOUS REVOLUTIONS
The Singing Revolution
These are the revolutions that led to the independence of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania. They were also one of the few revolutions to have been written by Rodgers & Hammerstein.
The Quiet Revolution
This is the revolutionary name given to a period of social change, which occurred in Quebec, Canada in the 1960s. This revolution is also preferable if the baby is sleeping.
The Dance Dance Revolution
A symbolic period in history, in which youth across America rose up together to fight against their feudalistic noble oppressors by stepping forward, backward, backward, right, left, right, right, forward, backward, left, backward.
The Matrix Revolutions
Keanu Reeves led this important revolution, which would later turn out to be the more boring in a trilogy of three revolutions about philosophy and dodging bullets. This revolution was written by the Wachowski Brothers.
The New England Revolution
This is a soccer team. So in other words, this revolution doesn’t apply to the United States.
Revolution Pet Medicine
Give to your dog or cat once a month in order to prevent heartworms, fleas, ear mites, and scabies.
Don’t see your favorite brand of revolution listed here? Feel free to add your own in the space provided:
______________________________________________
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A REVOLUTIONARY FUN FACT!
In some communist countries, it is illegal to revolt against the government.
COUNTRIES AND THEIR REVOLUTIONS
Nearly all modern countries have had to go through some growing pains. In order to become a successful and mature nation, a country must first suffer through puberty, be made fun of in gym class, awkwardly make out with its date at the prom, and survive through a political revolution. Only after experiencing these growing pains (Don’t forget the embarrassing coup d’état!) can an awkward and pimple-faced country become a superpower. The following are some of the more significant revolutions of the most powerful countries in the world, and Canada, arranged in no particular order. Aside from alphabetical.
BELGIUM
Revolution: Belgian Revolution
Years: 1830
Revolutionary: Erasme Louis Surlet de Chokier
Result: The establishment of an independent and neutral Belgium
A Belgian revolution, covered in strawberries and topped with powdered sugar, is one of the more popular items at IHOP.
BRAZIL
Revolution: Brazilian Declaration of Independence
Years: 1821
Revolutionary: Brazilian Revolutionaries
Result: Independence of Brazil
The obvious byproduct of the Brazilian Declaration of Independence was the eventual independence of Brazil. The less obvious byproduct of the Brazilian Declaration of Independence is a country full of very attractive people.
CANADA
Revolution: Never experienced its own revolution
Years: N/A
Revolutionary: No one.
Result: No result.
Nothing has ever happened in Canada.
CHINA
Revolution: Cultural Revolution
Years: 1966-1968
Revolutionary: Mao Zedong
Result: The death of opposing party leaders
Contrary to popular belief, the cultural revolution didn’t involve ‘“culture” as much as it involved “killing intellectuals.” But let’s not nitpick.
FRANCE
Revolution: French Revolution
Years: 1789-1799
Revolutionary: Several French Revolutionaries
Result: Various forms of government
The downside of the French Revolution is that France went through various forms of government during a span of several decades. The upside of the French Revolution is that it was the only revolution to come with its own wine pairing.
INDIA
Revolution: White Revolution
Years: 1970
Revolutionary: National Dairy Development Board
Result: A nationwide milk grid
Some people have argued that a revolution can’t involve milk. India proved that not only can milk inspire a revolution, but that a warm glass of milk can also help soothe an upset stomach.
NETHERLANDS
Revolution: Dutch Revolution
Years: 1568-1648
Revolutionary: William of Orange
Result: The rise of the Dutch Republic as a major power
One of only two revolutions to have been fought while wearing small wooden clogs.
RUSSIA
Revolution: October Revolution
Years: 1917
Revolutionary: Vladimir Lenin
Result: Power given to the Soviets
Historians are unsure when the October Revolution is to have occurred, but a general consensus is sometime in the spring.
SPAIN
Revolution: Glorious Revolution
Years: 1868
Revolutionary: Eddie Izzard
Result: Overthrow of King James II of England
Also sometimes known as the “Spectacular Revolution,” the “Outstanding Revolution,” and the “Are You Kidding Me, These Tapas Are Amazing Revolution.”
UNITED STATES
Revolution: American Revolution
Years: 1773-1775
Revolutionary: George Washington
Result: United States
A turning point in U.S. history, marked every year with celebrations, parades, and furniture sales.
A REVOLUTIONARY QUIZ
If you were a revolutionary, you would prefer to spend your time in:
A) The United States, while in the midst of the American Revolution. You love freedom!
B) Russia, during the time of the Bolshevik Revolution. October is your favorite month!
C) France, throughout the French Revolution. Thank you Age of Enlightenment, for Democracy!
D) Revolution Land: a subsidiary of Six Flags Amusement Parks. Half-price admission for those dressed up as Vladimir Lenin — or by bringing in a Coke can!?
FAMOUS REVOLUTIONARIES
If I were to say, “Name a famous revolutionary,” you would probably ask, “What’s in it for me?” After I offered you a free coupon to Applebee’s, you would probably say, “Che Guevara.” Some revolutionaries are famous and instantly come to mind. Most people, for example, have heard of George Washington. There are very few people who don’t know who Joan of Arc is. Who doesn’t know the story behind Chairman Mao? Nearly everyone has heard of Malcolm X, and those who haven’t should go back to school. (To see if their school offers a tuition refund.) (Sometimes the University of Phoenix will offer a 30-day policy.) Nevertheless, what many people don’t realize is that not all revolutionaries have been involved in battle or in large political causes.
Some revolutionaries have changed the world through their own small changes and discoveries. If it weren’t for Thomas Edison, you would be reading this book by candlelight. If it weren’t for Chef Boyardee, a lot of college students would not have had breakfast this morning. If it weren’t for eHarmony, many people would not have discovered how easy it is to Photoshop one’s own picture. Revolutionaries come in all shapes and sizes, and unlike Mahatma Gandhi, not all of them carry guns. By simply changing the course of humanity, one becomes a revolutionary. (Well, after a lengthy application.)
But I’m not going to discuss them. If I were to list the name of every person who’s ever altered the course of history, the list would stretch from here until probably a few miles from here. It’s really hard to know though, because no one’s ever actually made such a list. The length of such a list is purely conjecture — and poor conjecture at that.
This list will provide you with the names of revolutionaries that everyone usually learns in school. You can probably skip this part.
IN THEIR OWN REVOLUTIONARY WORDS
“Every generation needs a new revolution. Every rose has its thorn.”
Thomas Jefferson,
U.S. President and Revolutionary
REVOLUTIONARIES YOU SHOULD KNOW
Abbie Hoffman
A political activist who co-founded the Youth International Party, he came into the national spotlight for being arrested as one of the “Chicago Eight,” (Not to be confused with the Jackson Five.) a group of eight men charged with conspiracy during the riots of the 1968 Democratic National Convention. He would later declare bankruptcy, since many people read the title of his 1971 book, Steal This Book, and then did.
The Beatles
A groundbreaking rock group formed in the early 1960s; The Beatles were one of the most commercially successful bands of all time, as well as one of the most revolutionary. Having found success early in their career, The Beatles would later turn their attentions to social awareness, including the hit song “Revolution.” Not entirely clear on the purpose of the revolution, most people simply got stoned and listened to “Revolution.”
Che Guevara
A guerilla leader and iconic Argentine revolutionary, he played a large role in the Cuban Revolution. After his 1967 execution by the Bolivian army, he later went on to make a line of T-shirts and mugs with his face on them. (Available at Wal-Mart.)
Francisco Madero
The leading revolutionary in the Mexican Revolution, Francisco Madero also served as Mexico’s president from 1911 to 1913. An avid vegetarian, he was assassinated after he was betrayed by Victoriano Huerta over a dispute regarding tofurkey. It is from his death that we get the proverb “A vegetarian Mexican president cannot pass through the eye of a needle to enter the kingdom of God, and will therefore be assassinated.” (Matthew 19:24, in one of the more modern versions.)
Francois-Marie Arouet de Voltaire
A French writer, philosopher, and polemicist whose writings about social and political reform would later influence other revolutionaries such as Thomas Paine. He would eventually come to be known by the pen name of “Voltaire,” since “Francois-Marie Arouet de” was way too faggy. (If you think the word “faggy” is offensive, you should hear some of the other words Voltaire was called in gym class.)
Frederick Douglass
One of the most influential abolitionists and orators of the 19th century, he played a major part in the eventual freedom of African-Americans. Douglass was known by many nicknames through his life, including, “The Lion of Anacostia.” This is because he once caught and devoured a gazelle with his bare hands.
George Washington
The first American president and one of the original founding fathers, George Washington is considered the quintessential American revolutionary. While the belief that he wore wooden teeth is simply a myth, the belief that his entire sternum was made of plastic is absolutely true.
Georges Danton
He was one of the leading revolutionaries in the French Revolution, as well as the first president of the Committee of Public Safety. (He had been promoted from Hall Monitor.) Realizing that he would be remembered in history for something as dull as “president of a safety committee,” he agreed to be decapitated.
Gloria Steinem
One of the nation’s most iconic feminists, Ms. Steinem founded the feminist magazine Ms. in 1972. She chose the name “Ms.” as the title of her magazine after rejecting other suggested titles, including “Miss.,” “Mrs.,” and “You Can Call Me Whatever You Want, As Long As I Get Home In Time to Make Supper For My Husband.”
Ho Chi Minh
A revolutionary and eventual president of North Vietnam, he led the Vietminh against the Japanese during World War II. Ho Chi Minh City, the largest city in Vietnam, is proof that all revolutionaries will get a city named after them. (This is how the city of Margaritaville was founded.)
Jesus Christ
Amongst his teachings were the laws of “loving God,” “loving thy neighbor,” and “hating people who are pro-choice and pro-gun control laws.” In addition to encouraging the idea of non-violent revolutions, he would later become famous for having discovered the concept of Christianity. This fact has since been disputed, as some historians believe that he may have stolen this concept from another well-known philosopher of the time, Bob Christ. (No relation.)
Joan of Arc
In an attempt at padding her college entrance application, Joan of Arc commanded the entire French army at the age of seventeen in 1429. She was burned at the stake two years later, and consequently did not attend college.
John Hancock
A revolutionary who became the first governor of Massachusetts, as well as one of the founding fathers, he is best remembered as having been the first person to sign the Declaration of Independence. Which is a good thing, for the second person to sign was Zebediah Asfrynkthpbbbbtlzinskiro. (Better known as the first governor of the state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations and Frakerzhenoppffttph.)
Joseph Stalin
History is unsure how to best remember Joseph Stalin, who became the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union’s Central Committee. On the negative side, his dictatorship and campaigns of political repression killed millions of people. On the positive side, the Soviet Union played a large role in defeating Nazi Germany under his leadership. On the negative side, he had a habit of slapping babies. On the positive side, he was the co-founder of the Disney channel.
Karl Marx
A writer, philosopher, and revolutionary, he is often referred to as the “Father of Communism.” He is best known for his 1848 bestseller, Communist Manifesto, which he later followed with the bestselling sequel, Sex, Lies, and Videotape: Sharing Your Possessions With Your Neighbors. (Now out in paperback.)
Mahatma Gandhi
An iconic spiritual and political leader in India during the 1940s, he is best remembered for his advocacy of non-violence and vegetarianism. It has since been discovered that Gandhi’s vegetarianism wasn’t as much a path to spiritual enlightenment, as much as it was because he thought he was fat and wanted to lose a few pounds.
Malcolm X
A political activist, he advocated the use of violence in his campaign for black equality, only to be assassinated in 1965. He was preceded by Malcolms I through IX.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Eventually becoming the Emperor of France, he began his career as a general in the French Revolution. He united France, but was later captured by the British and imprisoned until his death on the island of Saint Helena. Famous for having a height of only 5’2”, he paved the way for other revolutionaries of short stature, including Danny DeVito.
Thomas Paine
He was a revolutionary and political writer whose 1776 pamphlet, Common Sense, called for American independence. Fearful that he would be remembered by history as simply “that guy who wrote a pamphlet,” he would later go on to hold the world record for “world’s longest fingernails.”
William Wallace
He led the resistance during the Wars of Scottish Independence, which would later become the inspiration behind the film Braveheart. He also went on to direct and produce the film The Passion of the Christ, as well as star in What Women Want. (Little known revolutionary fact: He is also the only Scottish revolutionary to win an Academy Award, while simultaneously being anti-Semitic.)
A REVOLUTIONARY QUIZ
You consider one of the most successful revolutionaries in history to be:
A) Martin Luther King Jr. — for his fundamental role in promoting equal civil rights for all Americans.
B) Che Guevara — for his role as “supreme prosecutor” and Marxist revolutionary.
C) Jesus Christ — for pioneering the peaceful protest and paving the way for eternal salvation.
D) LuEsther Mertz — for founding the company Publisher’s Clearing House. Thanks to LuEsther, direct marketing sweepstakes no longer have to live in slavery, partly due to the valiant efforts of the company’s militant wing, the Prize Patrol.
REVOLUTIONARIES YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT
Joseph McCarthy
Lyndon LaRouche
Emo Kids
The Atkins Diet
L. Ron Hubbard
Skinny Jeans
The Internet
Ron Paul
The Ginsu Knife
MODERN REVOLUTIONS
Historical revolutions are great, but they’re also … what’s the word I’m looking for … really historic. Which is a polite way of saying really old. In fact, if you refer to an elderly person as “really historic,” they absolutely will not take offense. (At least that’s what Larry King told me.)
While historical revolutions have had their day in the sun, a shinier, newer model is always preferred. No one wants a black and white television when a plasma flat screen is available. No one wants a rotary phone when an iPhone is on sale. No one wants a Sega Genesis when a Nintendo Wii can be purchased. No one wants to flip a light switch when The Clapper is kind of a good substitute.
The same idea applies to revolutions. Karl Marx may have been the revolutionary behind Communism a century and a half ago, but his chunky ankles most likely wouldn’t fit into the stilettos of Miss Sylvia Rivera, (Shoe size 9 ½.) the drag queen who incited the Stonewall Riots of the late 1960s. The revolutions and movements of yesterday have been replaced with the revolutions and movements of today, allowing humanity to progress. However, I wouldn’t suggest that you become too comfortable with the revolutions and movements of today, because like iPods or trophy wives, a newer and better one is always right around the corner.
Looking for your own revolution to join? Might I suggest one of the following modern movements, now in progress:
Women’s Rights Movement
Could a woman be president? I wouldn’t know, because I don’t follow the news (Ross Perot was re-elected, right?). Nevertheless, the fact that a woman may or may not someday become president doesn’t automatically forgive thousands, if not dozens of years of female repression. In some parts of Alabama, women still aren’t allowed to vote, in other parts of Kentucky women still aren’t allowed to drive, and in a few backwards parts of California, women still aren’t allowed to vote and drive at the same time. Do we, as a modern society, accept this inequality? Men are allowed to drive and vote at the same time, whereas women aren’t even allowed to arrange a babysitter? If you’re looking for a modern revolution, the women’s rights movement needs you.
Civil Rights Movement
While the Civil Rights movement saw its peak during the ’50s, the ’ 60s, as well as anytime the Reverend Al Sharpton opens his mouth, the struggle for equality continues even to this day. Despite the fact that we’ve had a black president, black people are still not allowed to partake in certain aspects of society, which many white people take for granted. Only white people are allowed to listen to awful country music. Only white people are allowed to not know how to dance. Only white people were allowed to be Michael Jackson. What’s next, only white people will be allowed to join the NAACP? We will not stand for this injustice! If you’re looking for a modern revolution, the civilrights movement needs you.
Gay Rights Movement
They’re here, they’re queer, and they’ll finish the rest of the chant once the legislation passes. Can you imagine having to ask permission for everything you do — and then waiting for politicians to give their approval? “Excuse me sir, do you mind if I not be fired from my job?” Ridiculous! Being gay means you’re not allowed to get gay married, you’re not allowed to hold down a gay job, and you’re not even allowed to audition for American Idol. Sometimes it seems as though the only thing gay people are allowed to do is be gay — and where’s the fun in that? (Other than the great clothes and looking fabulous.) If you’re looking for a modern revolution, the gay rights movement needs you.
Immigrants’ Rights Movement
Some people complain that they want illegal immigrants to return to their own country. Does this make sense? Has anyone stopped to think that if no one picks the lettuce, then the lettuce will pick us? Illegal immigrants are the backbone of our great country and nothing should take that away, with the exception of osteoporosis. If society loses illegal immigrants, it will be only a matter of time before we lose legal immigrants. If we lose legal immigrants, it won’t be long before we lose the legal system. And if we lose the legal system, Nancy Grace will be out of a job. Look at who we’ve become — we’re picking lettuce ourselves, and we’ve caused Nancy Grace’s unemployment. If you’re looking for a modern revolution, the immigrants’ rights movement needs you.
Human Rights Movement
I don’t understand what the big deal is when it comes to torture. My brothers teased and tortured me when I was young, and my scars didn’t turn out that bad. (If I hold perfectly still, you totally can’t tell that my left eyeball has been punctured with a curling iron.) In fact, it’s surprising how quickly I can forget that I was tortured with a cattle prod as a child. Despite my own enjoyable experiences with waterboarding, I recognize that some people believe it should be “illegal” to torture. “But what about human rights?” they ask. “Not everyone enjoys being deprived of sleep for seventy-two hours while simultaneously being attacked by a German Shepherd!” they complain. I have to concede that they have a point. In the name of human rights, no one “should” have to be tortured — against their will. If you’re looking for a modern revolution, the human rights movement needs you.
A REVOLUTIONARY FUN FACT!
Carl McGovern, April 17, 1846.
Congratulations, you’ve just created the tastiest hamburger in the tri-state area. Like anyone who has ever created a tasty burger, you wish to mass-produce it and market it to the world. Sure, it’s dripping with additives and has enough saturated fat to kill a horse, but that’s beside the point. You’ve spent hours upon minutes perfecting the recipe, (Which, ironically, is made of horsemeat.) so shouldn’t the world know about this gastronomical wonder?
The same thing is true for a revolution. You have the Next Big Idea that will change the world. Communism? Respect for women? Fairer wages? Wanna throw tea into the harbor? The goal of your revolution doesn’t matter. What does matter though, is how you market your revolution. Marketing your revolution is the first big step in letting the world know about your revolution. It’s important that other people know about your passionate uprising. After all, you’re so angry, you could just spit! Unless you’re in Singapore, in which case you’ll be arrested.
Learning about past revolutions in print media, music, and television will give you a better idea of how to market your own societal upheaval. You’ve created the tastiest hamburger ever — share it with the world! You’ve created the best revolution — share it with the world! Either way, you’ll be competing with McDonald’s.
IN THEIR OWN REVOLUTIONARY WORDS
“When liberty comes with hands dabbled in blood it is hard to shake hands with her. You know what’s also gross? People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.”
Oscar Wilde,
Irish Playwright and author
REVOLUTIONS IN PRINT MEDIA
All revolutions begin with the printed word. Before the days of fancy television commercials for political uprisings and musical jingles for shampoo, (Both owned by Procter & Gamble.) existed the poor peasant boy. These peasant boys would distribute pamphlets across the village for a shilling, and then take that shilling to the neighborhood nickelodeon to watch a Punch and Judy show while gorging himself on sweets. The poor peasant boy wasn’t very bright, and it really doesn’t make sense why anyone would trust him with pamphlets in the first place.
Before you say to yourself, “I’m going to make a boring documentary about my political cause,” you need to ask yourself, “But what about a pamphlet?” Centuries of manipulative propaganda have existed in which something as simple as a poster or a pamphlet motivated multitudes of people. Before entertaining other options, ask yourself, “Would a pamphlet have the same effect?”
The answer to this is usually “no.” Stick with the documentary.
The following is a glossary of terms that you will need to know if you wish to employ the print media in your own revolution.
Propaganda
This is the broad term we give to anything that promotes a political or religious idea or belief. Propaganda can cover anything, ranging from posters and pamphlets, to business cards and confetti. It’s worth pointing out that confetti can convey a lot more information than most people realize, and can be used anywhere from New Year’s Eve parties to ticker-tape parades. (Little known revolutionary fact: Dick Clark used to protest against the Vietnam War in the early ’70s by writing protest messages on the confetti strips in Times Square during New Year’s Eve.) A good rule of thumb to remember is that if the propaganda comes from your own revolution, it’s the truth and generally good. If it comes from someone else’s revolution, it’s all lies and generally bad.
Pamphleteer
The Pamphleteer is the pawn of the revolution. (Ironically, they’re very bad at chess.) They don’t do much fighting, they hardly inspire anyone, and all they do is sit around writing pamphlets all day in their pajamas. Years later, the pamphleteer will choose to go by another name, that of “blogger.” Before the celebrity blog, there existed “Ye Olde Celebrity Gossip Pamphlet.” Despite their purposelessness, the pamphleteer will occasionally play an important part in a revolution, although this part usually consists of making a Starbucks run to get coffee for everyone else.
Pamphlet
The dissemination of the revolution originally came from this — the humble pamphlet. Small in stature and low in voltage, the pamphlet was able to carry a wallop of information. “Come Join the Communist Party — Everybody’s Doing it! And You’ll Be Killed If You Don’t!” was a popular pamphlet title, for example. These pamphlets would be distributed by peasant boys everywhere — pubs, churches, strip joints, factories, and paper shredders. While the pamphlet is an antiquated idea and is hardly used at all anymore, it is always an option for the revolutionary who is short on money but has an excess of peasant boys.
Protest Signs
Before the protest sign, revolutionaries for years protested in front of their factories, chanting and holding up nothing more than a bare post. Realizing this was ineffective, it was later decided that a “sign” should be attached to the bare post, thus giving birth to the protest sign. A staple of any modern protest or strike, the protest sign usually consists of a catchy phrase in neon colors. While it’s not necessary that the phrase rhyme, I cannot stress enough the importance of using a pun. A protest sign without a pun is like a baby without a head — absolutely worthless. Using a pun drives home the point of the revolution, as well as providing amusement for passersby. If I drive by and see, “We Want the Truth,” I won’t bat an eye. If I drive by and see, “Prevent Truth Decay,” I will actually quit my job and join that revolution.
Tabloids
Most people don’t consider the common tabloid to be a source of propaganda. Most people also don’t consider Crosby, Stills & Nash to be a better band without Neil Young. In both cases, these people would be wrong. (If you don’t believe me, ask your parents. Or Neil Young.) The tabloid is one of the most effective, potent tools a revolutionary has at their disposal. Ask anyone on the street which starlet-of-the-week is currently in rehab, and they will tell you. Tabloids reach everyone and better yet, people assume they’re true. Chairman Mao’s rise to power? Salacious gossip written about him in the tabloids. How did Joseph Stalin lead the Soviet Union to become the world’s second largest superpower? The National Inquirer accused him of being gay. (The sex tape didn’t help.) Consider taking up a job as a paparazzo. (Tell friends you’re becoming a “photojournalist” if you’re embarrassed.) Take embarrassing pictures of rival revolutionaries in compromising situations. It will do wonders for your movement.
A REVOLUTIONARY DO-IT-YOURSELF PAMPHLET
Let’s face it — the modern revolutionary is busier than ever. Between organizing strikes, sticking it to the man, and attending your child’s PTA meeting, you just don’t have the time to both design and distribute your own manipulative propaganda pamphlet. For that reason, I’ve come up with the do-it-yourself pamphlet. Simply follow these steps, and you have your own pamphlet, ready for distribution.
Front Cover
1. Choose an image. Any of the following images are effective:
An animal. The more fangs, the better. But limit the number of tails to four.
An oil tanker on fire.
A picture of your opponent, but without a head and/or genitals. Swapping head for genitals is also acceptable.
A kitten. But only if it’s coated in blood (not it’s own) and draped in a flag with Communist symbols.
2. Come up with a good title for your pamphlet. It’s preferable that the title be really sarcastic and condescending, like Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense.” The following is a list of possible sarcastic pamphlet names, free for your use.
“Stop Reading This Pamphlet Or You’ll Miss the Short Bus”
“Everything in this Pamphlet is Important”
“All of the Political Theories Within this Pamphlet are Far too Advanced for your Understanding, So Don’t Even Bother”
Common Sense, 2”
Contents of the Pamphlet
1. Check out Writing Revolutionary Pamphlets for Dummies (Never mind, someone just barely checked it out.) from your local library. Be sure to pay attention to chapters 3, 4, and 12. You’ll also want to check out the cartoons by Rich Tennant, because they’re really funny.
2. While the content of your pamphlet depends entirely on the type of revolution in which you are engaged, it’s generally a good rule of thumb that the pamphlet not extend more than ten pages. It’s well known that all revolutionaries have notoriously short attention spans.
Back Cover
1. Get a quote for the back from someone famous, like Frederick Douglass or Dan Quayle.
2. You will need a really classy picture of yourself for the author photo. I strongly suggest taking the picture at a Glamour Shots studio, usually located in your local mall. If there is not a Glamour Shots studio in your local mall, due to the fact that you currently do not live in the 1980s, a camera phone held up to a mirror will suffice. (Don’t forget to wear your Che Guevara T-shirt in the picture!)
I should also point out that any pamphlet longer than ten pages automatically becomes a manifesto. If you’re going to write a manifesto, you may as well grow out your beard, claim you’re the Messiah, move out to a cabin in the woods, and threaten to blow people up. Otherwise, keep your pamphlet to less than ten pages.
A WARNING ABOUT “PROPAGANDA”
Like “baby killer” or “I'm sleeping with your brother,” the word “propaganda” has gotten a bad rap over the years. For some reason, many people — both revolutionaries and non-revolutionaries — associate the word with manipulating a group of people to perform evil deeds. Not only is this unfair to the word “propaganda,” but it completely ignores the fact that there are other, more inappropriate words that convince people to do evil. Such as, for example, “alcohol.”
It is well known that Adolf Hitler used propaganda to convince German citizens about the benefits of Nazism, and as both history and statistics later proved, Hitler wasn’t a moral person. Statistically speaking. Hitler wasn’t alone, as other dictators also used propaganda to manipulate the masses, including Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, and Walt Disney.
When using literature, music, television, or film to encourage others to join your revolution, it is important to avoid the word “propaganda” at all costs. Use a more consumer-friendly word, such as “manipulation tool” or “sacrificial revolutionary recruiter.”
REVOLUTIONS IN MUSIC
Every war, every fight, and every movement has had its own inspirational musical soundtrack. To be fair, most of the time this music is terrible, and blasting it from communal loudspeakers only makes a bad situation worse. Nevertheless, an inspirational song — whether it be Woody Guthrie’s “This Land Is Your Land” or Destiny’s Child’s “Bootylicious” — can still inspire a revolution.
When determining a song to use for your revolution, the following questions must be asked: Does it have a good beat? Does it have lyrics that can easily be chanted? Does it have at least one stanza that can fit on a placard and be carried around? Is the song written or sung by Jimmy Buffett? These questions are essential, because more than one revolution has used a song by Jimmy Buffett. (This will not be the last time “Margaritaville” is referenced in this book. You’re welcome.) This is only appropriate if the revolution happens to occur on a cruise ship, and all revolutionaries involved are drinking margaritas and over the age of 50.
The following is a brief list of the countless number of revolutionary and protest songs, which will inspire you to choose one of your own. You may be curious as to why this list begins with songs from the Cold War. This is primarily because revolutionary music was invented in 1960. Prior to this time, only three revolutionary songs existed: “La Marseillaise,” which doesn’t count because it is in French; “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” which has been banned in most states due to its profanity; and “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” which is now only sung at Easter under federal law.
THE COLD WAR
“London Calling” by The Clash
This song from the 1979 album of the same name, was inspired by the meltdown of a nuclear reactor at Three Mile Island, which had occurred only nine months before. Because Three Mile Island is located in Pennsylvania, (It’s now a resort and spa. You should visit sometime.) and telephones hadn’t been invented yet in 1979, the title, “London Calling,” makes absolutely no sense.
“99 Luftballons ” by Nena
Originally recorded in German in the early Eighties only to later be re-recorded in English as “99 Red Balloons,” this song tells the tale of balloons floating over the Berlin Wall during the Cold War. U.S. President Jimmy Carter reportedly hated it, due to his irrational fear of German balloons. (Also, spiders. To this day, he refuses to watch the film Arachnophobia in German subtitles.)
“Russians” by Sting
A song from Sting’s 1985 debut album, The Dream of the Blue Turtles, “Russians” weaves a cautionary tale about the repercussions of the Cold War. A small controversy erupted later that year however, when it was discovered that the song “Russians” came with a complimentary bottle of vodka. (Vermouth sold separately.)
THE VIETNAM WAR
“Born in the U.S.A.” by Bruce Springsteen
This song by Bruce Springsteen, from the critically acclaimed album of the same name, was written as a tribute to the hardships his friends experienced after having returned from the Vietnam War. Ironically, this song was made in China.
“Blowin ’ in the Wind” by Bob Dylan
An incredibly versatile song, Bob Dylan’s quintessential protest song of the 1960s has been used in protest against everything from the Vietnam War to the Iraq War. It also works well in commercials, selling everything from Cadillacs to soup.
“The Unknown Soldier” by The Doors
From the 1968 album Waiting for the Sun, this song was Jim Morrison’s reaction to the Vietnam War. Upon the revelation of newly discovered birth certificates, the name of the song was changed from “The Unknown Soldier” to “Bob Stevenson of Trenton, New Jersey.”
THE IRA AND THE TROUBLES
“Streets of Sorrow /Birmingham Six” by The Pogues
A political song from The Pogues’ 1988 album, If I Should Fall From Grace; it describes the pain felt at the height of The Troubles. As for the actual name of the song, it is taken from the address of The Pogues’ former studio, located on the corner of Streets of Sorrow and Birmingham Six. Go down Melancholy Avenue and turn left. If you run into Desolation Boulevard, you’ve gone too far.
“Sunday Bloody Sunday ” by U2
Considering that U2 hailed from Ireland, it only makes sense that the band would eventually write a song describing the horror felt by an observer of The Troubles in Northern Ireland. In particular, this song references the Bloody Sunday incident in Derry. What many people don’t realize is that this song is the reason there are only six days in the week. (And on the sixth day, U2 rested.)
“Zombie” by The Cranberries
One of The Cranberries’ most successful songs ever, it comes from their 1994 album, No Need to Argue. The song, which laments The Troubles in Northern Ireland, is a particular reference to a deadly werewolf attack in Dublin in 1983.
THE IRAQ WAR
“American Idiot ” by Green Day
From the Grammy Award winning album of the same name, comes this song that criticizes the propaganda and paranoia of a post-9/11 United States. The title of the song also behaves as an international insult, regardless of where you are in the world. You can offend an American by calling him an “idiot,” and you can offend anyone else in the world by calling him an “American.” (Unless you’re Canadian.)
“Let’s Impeach the President” by Neil Young
A Grammy Award nominated protest song, this is from the 2006 album, Living with War. It is sung to the tune of Steve Goodman’s song, “The City of New Orleans.” This also happens to be one of the very few songs in history to resign before being impeached by Congress.
“Dear Mr. President” by Pink
This popular song by Pink and featuring the Indigo Girls, is an open letter to former President of the United States, George W. Bush. The song addresses such issues as the Iraq War, homosexuality, the homeless, abortion, and drug abuse. Pink continued these themes two years later in a follow up song titled, “Dear Santa Claus.”
EQUAL RIGHTS
“Say It Loud — I’m Black and Proud ” by James Brown
Recorded in 1968, this song soon became one of the most popular ‘‘black power” anthems of the 1960s. The song would later become so well-known over the years that a number of different black artists covered it; the most famous version was sung by Garth Brooks.
“I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy
This song, released in 1972, eventually became known as the iconic anthem of the women’s rights movement. It later received the Grammy for “Song Most Used By Drag Queens Everywhere.” (It barely beat out ‘It’s Raining Men.’)
“We Shall Overcome” by Reverend Charles Tindley
One of the most well-known protest and revolutionary songs of the past century, this 1947 song eventually became the key anthem of the U.S. Civil Rights movement. In the past 50 years, this song has reached a level of such somber respect, that it has become a favorite among American Idol contestants. (Especially during “Disco Week.”)
PEACE
“Give Peace a Chance” by John Lenon
This well-known song was recorded by Lennon during his famous bed-in with Yoko Ono in 1969. Many people are surprised to learn though that Lennon killed two people in the process of writing the lyrics.
“Imagine ” by John Lenon
This powerful song, which was released in 1971, was described by Lennon as being “an anti-religious, anti-nationalistic, anti-conventional, anti-capitalistic song.” Two years later, he sold the rights of the song to the Catholic Church to use in McDonald’s commercials on the Fourth of July.
“Heal the World” by Michael Jackson
From the album Dangerous comes this song which illustrates Jackson’s desire to make the world a better and safer place. It is also known for its performance during the Super Bowl XXVII halftime show in 1993, which featured a 35,000 person flash card performance. To prove his dedication to the message of healing the world, Jackson went so far as to be accused of pedophilia two years later. (Too soon?)
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