Monday, July 11, 2005
Havin a time trying to figure this whole thing out..
Just google me... It's all the same!
PDXMAJESTY :)
I'll post more soon...
-M
7:03 AM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Posting my tag - I'm it..
So here's 6 fun things about me..
Well, whether they're fun or not, you can decide, but they're things about me not everyone knew until now...
1. It drives me crazy when my cuffs get wet.. Either doing dishes, or washing my hands.. I can't stand the feeling of wet cotton around my wrists.
2. I love walking in the pouring down rain. I love the feel, the smell, the sounds.
3. I see things.
4. I've got an inferiority complex. But I know I'm not inferior... Go figure. :)
5. My reach for success is relentless, but I'm normally relaxed and strategic about it.
6. I got to meet one of my favorite authors, Richard Bach, and posed for a picture with him, and told him I love his work. While he spoke @ Powell's, I actually cried...Okay, there's 6 things about me you didn't know.
-M
11:12 AM
Monday, March 13, 2006
To you -
You're funny! :D
-M
8:51 AM
Friday, March 17, 2006
All a bundle of stress!!
I've got 3 late papers to finish by tonight and I have a gathering to attend @ 7...
The poor baby... Every time I start to write my papers, she starts up again... Needless to say, her poor gums have been hurting due to teething and I've gotten more and more frazzled...
Here's to the stars and their conjunction with something that will ease our stress.
Ahhh! I've gotta write papers!!
Anyone thinking of having a baby??? Wanna babysit? ;-)
MWAHHH HAaHaa!! :)
-M
2:19 AM
Thursday, March 23, 2006
My Heroes -
So yesterday while I was balancing eating dinner, answering those quizzes in me bulletin, rocking the baby, feeding the baby and trying to conduct a gleefyl conversation with my wife, I realized that after I posted the 2nd quiz, I missed a question..
See, I cut and pasted the quiz from Kristi, and I lost my train of thought while I was asking her why I was one of her heroes, and I left the question as it was..
Well, she never quite gave me a descriptive answer, and so I think I left it at that because I think that's when
I got up to make Aspen her bottle.. So needless to say, the answer to the heroes question is Kristi's.
But it's not for any reason other than I was multi tasking and let one thing slip.
Though I do believe that this one question was VERY important. Why? Well, who are those people in my life whom I admire? I have many and this question is always time sensitive.
I believe that I can safely say that all of you have been my heroes for at least one day, some more, but all of you have assistied me with some sort of life altering challenge at one time or another, so yes, you've all been my heroes.
But recently, My wonderful wife has pulled me from the wreckage and saved my bacon and introduced me to some amazing concepts and is always loving, supportive and wise. And it's been this way for over two years now.
She contains a passion for life which I've searched for in another compatible human for a long time. She's surmounted as many difficult odds as I've experienced. She can start, stop or turn at the drop of a hat, and she can halt my moving train of anger, frustration and utter destructive motives with one simple look.
So when I was going to answer this question yesterday, I realized I needed more time to really figure out why I have bestowed this honor upon her and provided a reasonable explanation as to why this nomination shouldn't be construed as some sort of nepotism on my part, I realized that if I hadn't been with her, I don't know where I would be today, and if you read it for what the dire meaning could be had I taken another wrong turn in my life, if it wasn't for Kristi, I certainly wouldn't be where I was today, but most importantly, I might not even be a living carbon based lifeform still inhabiting the earth. I guess you could say, she saved me from my own extinction...
That's why Kristi's my hero. :)
I lu yers baby kitty. Always.
1:44 AM
Monday, March 27, 2006
RAD!!
Nikki Jauron --
[noun]:
A real life terminator
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?'
A friend from way back sparked my interest... Yeahh.. That's right!!
-M
9:29 AM
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Hmmm what to say... What to say...
Current mood: indifferent
I've been reading my sister's blogs and everyone else's too and just realized that I haven't written one of any substance for a little while..
The baby's asleep. She's doing good today!I napped for 30 minutes... I don't nap for 30 minutes!!
The dove is so loud that even with double muff professional headphones on, I can hear him echoing through the living room even louder.
It's kind of an if you're bored then you're boring day.
I'm aching to do something out of the ordinary, but my day's almost over..
I'd like to go out to dinner or something.. But we have meat and poultry in the fridge and we need to use it before it goes bad... I mean it's not grey or slimey or even off red or pink yet, but I'm rally aching to do something today!!
I submitted my final paper last night, so I feel like I need to liberate myself. This term has been hard, but it's now complete, and that's all I can ask, I've submitted all my assignments this term. Another 14 credits finished.
Plus, I don't know if anyone else gets this way before grades are posted, but I always second guess myself and wonder how I've faired... Knowing that I've done everything I could and still worry about my grades can become really stressful!
I've got my 3 month eval @ work tomorrow.
My music den is a mess, and crap is starting to creep out into the living room.
I'd like to get a bookcase.
I guess I'm all grown up, and more mature than some two & three & four times older than I am..
funny, this is the way my life has taken its most recent turn. I feel dull and overused and I think I need a good sharpening... OI!!
-M
7:49 AM
Friday, March 31, 2006
GRADES!
So, a few days ago I checked to see how I faired this term...
With all the juggling and lack of sleep and late papers my GPA was:
3.79
I don't remember ever getting a 3.79 in College until now! 3 A's and a B+!! Finally my GPA's coming back up, and I'm taking a course that I've failed two times before, which means that those F's will drop off too! Rawk! Too bad it didn't happen last year... Grad school would have been much easier to attain had that been the case.
Needless to say, I'm elated!
But no rest for me cause next term begins on the 3rd, which is Monday. All night classes. April 2nd we move the clocks up, and I have to work that Sunday. So the first couple weeks will be draggin!! But I'm more comfortable with it now that I've done it for a term!
Oh boy, here goes! I can't wait for Summer term! I just have to worry about working and watching the baby.
As with everything lately, it's a fine balancing act.
Though most of my classes next term fulfill my requirements for my degree, and I'll only have 3 more credits. I have to take a science class in the fall. And I'll grab another few credits just to make sure I get my double major.
4:31 AM
Thursday, April 06, 2006
MUCH BETTER, Thanks!
Heck yes! I am feeling better today.. I got to sleep in until 10 and the baby slept till 10 too!
I'm not around but a few mornings a week with her and after I end my work week, everything seems better..
I totally dig my job, it's fun, fast paced, hardly ever boring and I'm solving problems in front of millions of viewers every day. Talk about crunch time! I AM crunch time sometimes!!
I think the best part about it is when I have severe problems with a signal and I can punch it up seconds before we go live!! Damn! That's some good TV! Damn!! That's a real confidence booster!!
And no one ever knows.
6:16 AM
Friday, April 07, 2006
The one who won't be named is back
Current mood: cold
After years, guess who should send me an email???
Yeah, real proud of yourself for finally figuring out a search engine after 4 years, huh?
Quick FYI - If a stalking order is placed on the same individual in the State of Oregon twice, that's a felony!
7:47 AM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Got a gig this weekend.
Saturday is Earth Day, yes.
For the first time in months, I'm playing at an event and you're invited!
Food Front - 23rd & Thurman - NW Portland.
It's a co-op that's been around as long as I have.
I've played their co-op picnic last year as well as their Members Appreciation Day last year.
so I got the call Tuesday to play for them again for their Earth Day celebration.
I'm on from 12pm -2pm.
You're welcome to come down and hang out, the sun'll be shining and I think they'll have organic refreshments.
Sound yummy and fun?? Well come and check it out!
-M
12:07 PM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Maybe.
Dresden Dolls. Granted, I don't know as much about them as I could, but you all need to check out their new video on their page...
I just got back from Food Front. I played two hours in the sun. The first hour I sang. The second, I got too hot and I had to noodle my way through. Indigo showed up. I was happy to see her. :) I didn't see my parents, but the organizer asked where Aspen was, I said she's out seeing her brother and doing fun stuff. She wanted to meet her. I think that's really sweet. I had about 20 copies of my CD's, about 9 "Just 3 Years" and 11 or so "Poor Troubled Heartstruck Soul," I felt this crazy need to get rid of them all...
Yes, it's funny, At first, I didn't want anyone to hear them and then, I wanted to be rid of them and give them a loving home... One that didn't dwell in the shadows of my music pantry where they've lived for the past 6 months. At first, I felt like I didn't want anyone in the world to hear them... But they all have wings of their own, and a soul and a heart, and maybe it wasn't for me to decide. Maybe it was never for me to decide.. Maybe they were never mine to begin with...
Maybe I needed to set them free in order to free my soul, and no matter what I think of them, there will be someone who loves them as much as I did. Maybe it will mean as much or more to someone who's never heard it. Maybe they will love it as I did once, but now it's not for me to hold onto and bottle up in my creativity pantry.
As much as I feel like they aren't ready to be introduced to the world in such a state, there are just as many people who live and breathe among the world as who they are, not how I interpret them.
Maybe I should just let them go as they are without worrying about what kind of a reflection they are of me. Maybe they are good enough.
After all, you can't beat a dead horse if it were never alive to begin with.
Today seems so strange... It's so beautiful! But I feel so heavy.
8:56 AM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Emergency evacuation @ work...
Another violent death 2 blocks away.
I make it a point to ever ask what's next in the name of God.
-M
5:11 AM
Friday, May 05, 2006
Last night @ slabtown
Current mood: calm
Last night I went out and played an open mic. It was the third time I played an open mic at a bar.
The first one I played at was Laurelthirst, and the host was Shawn from Funk Shui, he's an amazing bassist! The second one was Mock's Crest, and it was more of a blues oriented open mic.. This one was at Slabtown.
QE lives right upstairs from the bar, literally, and so since I hadn't seen her for a long time, and 3 Friends wasn't doing open mics anymore, I thought I'd give it a try.
So I got there, ordered a soda and sat down to wait for QE and her girlfriend, Angie. I had never been there before, but the place has been there as different genres since before I was born. So what the hey, right?
I went to go sign up and at first, the guy was going to give me a 11pm time slot.. I was like: "Ohhh.. I can't be out that late," so he penciled me in for 9:30, and I got a half hour, which is a nice chunk of time, just enough to start playing, get the feel of the audience and get them into my style. I had to use the host's guitar because I didn't bring my pick-up.. (Even after looking right at it and asking myself if I should take it with me...)
So I played 7 songs and I was nervous and a little excited, because it was a new place and I didn't know how the audience would respond, but it was a very positive experience overall.
After I was done, the people sitting next to me professed themselves as music geeks and said they really enjoyed my music and I sounded like Patti Smith.
Now here I am, thinking about how I'm not happy with my vocals, and they likened me to a women's rock pioneer. I was a little surprised, to say the least. I thanked them, and I felt a little better about not playing for a long time..
I mean I played Food Front, but I haven't really done anything in a while where I've come in and knocked anyone's socks off.. I like that feeling..
That's another thing that keeps me motivated to keep playing.
People have said I sound like a cross between Tegan and Sara and the Dead Milkmen, and someone else said I sounded like Liz Phair. Sometimes I think I sound a little like Sheryl Crow, and I've got some Alanis influence, and recently I had experimented with some Ani rhythms...
But Patti Smith - That's nice. I'm always open to new interpretation.
And I got to finally hang out with QE. We haven't done that in forever!
It's nice to revert back to going out and seeing long time friends once in a while. It makes you remember why you were friends with them to begin with.
-M
2:28 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
Sometimes it's nice to lose.
Current mood: grateful
It makes you appreciate what you have. And besides, I've never really been a pitcher. I was mostly the last line of defense. In the outfield.
Oh sure, I practiced pitching. But that first pitch during regulation and the ball stuck to my hand, I knew something wasn't right.
It's not often I get down on myself like I did yesterday, but it's no big deal.
I'm so growly and aggressive when I play softball, it's a little opposite of how I usually am.
It's like I've got something to prove, but the only thing I have to prove is my abilities can be as good as they were in high school. And my life has changed since then, but I still have the drive.
So this season, it's mostly letting my body and mind do what it already knows how to do. It's not a mental game this season, it's spiritual.
-M
3:52 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Ahhahahahahaaaaa....
Current mood: accomplished
I love my wifey!
I love my baby!
I love my job!
I love my team!
I love my art!
I don't however like my Chaucer poetry class.
There's just something about the way my instructor critiques my work. She's been telling me from the beginning that I'm not going to be a good student... Naturally, Friday was the cut-off to take it pass/ no pass. So yesterday, after turning in my paper last Thursday, she mentions how she's concerned about my writing and whether it's up to par for a 400 level class...
I've got other things to spend my time on if I'm going to fail this course. I'll petition to get a pass/ no pass grade, if they accept... I won't come to class anymore. If they decline, I still don't think I'll go to class.
It's spring, Aspen's 6 months old, and life is too short to continue an uphill battle that I have no chance of winning. This isn't a matter of achieving something just beyond my grasp, this is a matter of someone else controlling my destiny, and their mind has already been made up. So I either play her game, which appears as if I'm destined to fail, regardless of how I feel; or I stop wasting my time and come to the conclusion that my time is valuable and important, and I don't need to chase after pipe dreams anymore.
I miss spending time with my family. I don't like to lose. But which is more important in the end? A class that I'll regret, or spending time with the family that'll last a lifetime?
There is no choice. No need to be bitter. Just move on. Cut my loss. Come back and finish next term.
-M
2:45 AM
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Critics.
Current mood: contemplative
The knowledge of modern scholars; so bitter, so dry.
Every life, every work, up for interpretation, save their own.
They live to deconstruct that which was constructed through a divine process of creativity and love of art.
So many works to cite, read and critique.
So many words to diffuse in order to place their own modern meanings.
These works were never theirs, only loaned to them.
To read, to remember, to share.
Critics stab, slice and tear through the burning ashes of their own personal anguish, as the cannot sew their own masterpiece??
Artists are doers; Critics are sayers who play to their mass audience with a bitter tongue, spewing forth their crushed dreams of greatness.
As if who can be the greatest in the end really matters.
I wrote this after reading through sources for my Chaucer paper... The feeling in this modern era of disposeables and jonesing for the next new thrill always gives me a sickly feeling... What I fear the most sometimes is how I may well be in this position to provide cultural sustinance to the masses sometime within this lifetime, and I'm concerned as to how I choose to represent myself, the people of the world, and those that have come before me.
I really don't give a damn about the critics.
5:06 AM
Thursday, June 08, 2006
My new podcast.. Finally! I have the time!
Current mood: horny
http://pdxmajesty.podomatic.com/ It's not as high tech prod-wise as I would like, but it's the art of the piece that really provides the meat of the project!
-M
1:33 AM
Friday, June 16, 2006
Awww, man my head hurts!
Current mood: drained
That girl can scream bloody murder.. and you think she'll screw up her vocal chords, or fall asleep right????? hhhhhHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaaaahhhhhhh.... That's where you'd be incorrect.
Well this weekend will be somewhat eventful... Pride.. the weekend where your skeletons come out of the closet... Homophobes yell at you... Here we go... I'd lie if I said I wasn't a tad apprehensive.
Not so much worried about others, but myself.. It's kinda like the wood elf queen and the ring of power...
And it's not really like I wanna call work and be all like: "Can't come in this morning.. I'm in a holding cell for ripping someone's spine out... But you already knew that didn't cha??"
I'm craving to grasp my creativity and take a gigantic chunk out of it!!
I'm craving sleeping for 7 hours uninterrupted.. not gonna happen...
Okay - That's enough use of the emoticons for now... Soon..
7:20 AM
Monday, September 18, 2006
I finally got one!
Current mood: Haa-do-ko-ru! (Hardcore)
Now, most of you know I've wanted to get a scooter for a while, and now that we have a family and a Sorento, and I have to commute to school and work among other places, and fuel prices are only going up... And I travel 26 daily to and from work, and it costs $50 a week to fill the tank... And we travel muchly, getting a single-commuter vehicle is not only practical, but also cost effective.
So, I got one, well, it's 150cc... So it's actually a bike in disguise.. Hee hee hee hee! Top speed is 65.. 7800 rpms... 9.8 hp.. It doesn't look like much, but when you've only got a 300 lb vehicle, and a medium sized human being, it doesn't take a lot.
2005 Diamo Fury.. A compromise... I wanted a 250 with top speed of 80+ mph, but this is very decent! I can always upgrade if I want to after I get my license and get my bike mojo boosted.
I'm trying to post a pic before I go to work, but if it doesn't work and you're still curious about my rad Judge Dredd bike, just google it!
Ha harr!! Avast, ye moped-cruisin' land lubbers!! Prepare to be boarded!!
-M
2:57 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
... She's a tramp...
Yes, live and let live, but she's trashy, and not in a good way.
The way she tries to befriend my friends makes me wanna hurl. If they knew her the way I did would they still consider having her picture up on their pages?
Probably, probably not. Everyone's entitled to make their own choices.
But I've met far too many people like her to even go there, and when she made the comments to my grrrl about all things ruthless, I took the last straw and shred it to pieces.
Go ahead. Talk trash, but I can guarantee ya that I won't lose sleep over anything involving you. Except the way you piggyback others to make contacts who don't even know who you are.
And on the off chance you get the opportunity to meet them, well let's just say I hope you're on your best behavior and then some, cause you're too transparent for your own conniving good.
... To be continued.
-M
7:46 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I second what I've said before...
What you need to do is:
a. Get off the crack pipe.
b. You've got nothing on me.
c. If you do anything to mess with MY FAMILY, I'll be on you like the stink on your shit.
And finally,
d. Keep away from my crew.
I make no threats... They are promises.
Now go find something better to do.
-M
11:46 AM
Monday, October 30, 2006
Hooray for legally owning a baby! :)
Current mood: accomplished
No, I don't own her... It's more the other way around. But She's officially my daughter!
Let the irrational motherly banter begin! Woooo-Hooo!
"Babies who cry don't get into an ivy league school! Stop crying!!" Heee Heee Heee!
"No, you cannot go to the dance with that boy or girl as the case may be... They were bred from poor stock."
"How was school, Chicken? No go practice your scales... Graduation is only 18 years away..."
Tee hee! Another little me running around.. Hee hee!
Look out, World, here we come!
-M
3:28 AM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
2 yearaversary
Current mood: grateful
2 years ago today, we took a trip up to Canada for one purpose...
We were getting married.
We bought our wedding attire, and made the arrangements. I picked up a copy of my documentation so I could get over the border and back.
We woke up at 3 am, got packed and went to go pick up my sister.
We got on the road and 6 hours later we were in Vancouver, B.C., Canada.
It was a little scary driving in a new place, but it was very exciting.
We toured Davie St. and counted down the hours, minutes and seconds before the wedding. We worked to get everything together.
I was so scared. But it didn't hit until the last few minutes before we were down to the wire. Here we were... Ready to go. No turning back...
This was big, this was serious. I'd never done this before, and I don't plan on doing it again. So it had to count. For richer and richer... For better and better... In health and longevity. For love, and life... And ALWAYS.
We went through the ceremony, signed all the papers, exchanged rings... and gave our great thanks to Johanna and those who witnessed and made this day possible.
It was a long day and we decided to stay in, because we were exhausted, and raining... As it is again today.:)
We had Chinese food, and watched Harry Potter in French and The Mummy... One of Kristi's favorite movies. We saw a music show with my beloved, Alanis that night too.
All in all it was a wonderful and great day.
Our friends were sending text messages to us that evening, and so were there in more than just spirit.
... It's a strange feeling... You wake up that morning, and you feel a little rushed knowing that you have to do something very important that day...
...And at the end of the day, you feel bigger than you ever have because you're not alone in the world anymore. You're sharing your life - In all the word conveys.
... The sensation is almost indescribable, but the closest thing that comes to mind is honest and pride-filled unity.
A switch was flipped in my head that day and the effects have resonated through my life ever since.
But the greatest feeling has to be knowing you made the right choice, for the right reasons, and loving her more and more everyday.
We've shared 3 4th of July's, 3 Halloweens, 3 Thanksgivings and Winter Solstice, and Christmas'..
And through all the running we've done and all the scary stuff and all the outside drama, and compromise and all the great adventures have made our relationship so bountiful.
And so here's to us. I look forward to looking back at this moment with you down the road and smiling upon this wonderful foundation and seeing what we'll make of our future together.
My love, my rock, my Vin Diesel. ;D
I love you, Kristi.
Thank you for making my life so beautiful and happy and warm.
Nikki
And really, this is super dry and to the point. What I don't say is how crazy my mind was, and how every sensation was amplified 100-fold.. I don't discuss the mental dialogue in my head or how I'm making an effort to bless every moment and running everything through in my own mind, never mind Kristi's the busy body of the couple getting all the logistics taken care of. :D
Or how I don't want to screw up the vows, and how I'm still drafting them for proper flow and cadence.. and all the things that are so small on the outside but you want everything to work out perfect or just about perfect, so you don't think about the one hang up every time you think of the ceremony.. Thankfully I didn't screw anything up... Yanno... All those things.. All those things.. Meanwhile my inner dialogue is still doing a play by play as the words pulsate in my mind... Days.... Hours!.. MINUTES!!.. SECONDS?!?!?... AAAHHHHH! HEEEERE WEEEE GOOOOOOOOO!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (Kinda like a roller-coaster ride, cause you know that's the way life is, so marriage is gonna be riding with someone else... With whom you will share your most intimate details and actions... Hoping you're not gonna gross them out and make them resent you...)
All this stuff is running through my head as the day went on... But I always put everything into such a nice sterile factual sweet package... I just wanted this message to be more personal and honest and truthful.
Would I still change anything? Nope. It's too wonderful to modify or alter.. I'll take it! I'm SOLD. :D No matter what. Here we are.
Happy 2 yearaversary, sweetie. I lu you more.
-M
5:20 PM
Friday, December 29, 2006
Ohh, to allow myself the beauty of the world..
Current mood: thoughtful
Basically, I've had a heavy weight lain upon me lately, and from exactly where I really don't know.. Am I just playing an assumed role, or is it more?
The fact is, I'm coming from a place of responsibility, and assumed roles.
The fact is, I don't know if I've had enough positive examples of this role to pull from.
I do have a few examples, but trying to allow myself room for customization has led me to feel constricted and pulled apart at the same time.
I don't think dropping everything and running off in some different direction will cut it. I really need to figure this out.
"There are obstacles in my river path. Not to say holding back the flow is bad; all the water molecules reach their final destination in due time.
In the span of life, Thunder clouds and lightning strikes seasonally.
This carving is not forged from malcontent; but loving care and commitment. I do this for my health and well-being. I do it because it brings me joy and happiness. I do it because I love.
These words do not flow from the lips of an evil dictator, but from a simple human, just trying to keep afloat as the waves of uncertainty become tumultuous and harsh.
I have sailed from my home port, and I return to that which I once loved and the landscape and purpose seem to change before my eyes.
My destiny hath brought me to a place that overlooks the past of my memory.
The water has cut a new bed, as I can do nothing but watch and learn from the new. Leaving me to question that which I was shaped from. My life's clay.
This urn, so final, until the next element chips my material away to create my next metamorphosis.
Be gentle, for in your hands, a chisel; contours the entirety of my existence."
7:50 PM
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
It's summer!
Current mood: groggy
It was cool last weekend, it was cool weekend before last, it was cool when we went to my sister's graduation.
I love going out and doing things like traveling and spending time with my family... I love being in the same space as mee babe and mee beybehh.
I took the beybehh to the zoo again today, we've gone once a week for a few weeks now.
I like taking her out to different places and showing her all sorts of cool things. No trip is like any other. That's one of the reasons I like taking her to the zoo. Other reasons are I can go mostly at my own pace, cause she's up for most anything. I am pushing her around for a few hours at a time, so I get a good deal of exercise.
I am pretty much done with school for the rest of the summer. Frodo has a class I want to take.. Admittedly, I'd take all her classes if I could. I really like the content of the courses. I like the material. It's not a cut and dry kind of a course. She's passionate about her material, but also knows that no one is a true master of one's passions and interests.
You know.. I only wish that more people were polite in places like the zoo... Seriously... I an sit in front of an animal for 15 minutes maybe even 20 minutes, and it's not just the kids who horde the view... It's the inept parents!! Serious!!
Plus the hicktownie/mullet alert was blaring all thoughout the day!! Seriously!! Get a clue!!
I was gonna do my next podcast entry on the trip to the zoo, an I do have live footage, but I think one of my next topics is gonna be all about manners!! DAYUUM!
I mean really... If someone can annoy me, and I have the patience of Job, then how do they survive in the outside world with all of the other road ragers and uncivilized buffoons concerned with nothing more than their cell phones and evening plans are driving their concentration away.
Sakes alive!
12:41 PM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Hhhhohhhhhhhhhh...
Current mood: shocked
I just got offered a full time position at work. As you may know I'm an engineer for a TV station in the area. They're taking my position and adding the wee wee hours of the morning to the gig. If I don't accept it, I won't have a position. So of course I had to say yes, I knew coming in to it that they were working on having a support engineer for the wee hours of the morning.
So I just got the offer this morning. This is HUGE! Working full time I'll be making more than what we both make now. and the hours are probably going to be rough for a few weeks.
Kristi just called me, and in order for me to take this we needed to either cut her hours or she had to leave her job so we could take care of the baby. They wouldn't give her the time cut. And I can't say no, or otherwise we'd be right back in the same boat as we were before I got the position.
So yeah, life goes on. Finally good for a change!
I'm still in shock, because I'll be full time in a week.
Pheeeeeeeeeewwwww!
3:09 AM
Monday, March 26, 2007
Maybe I just need to...
Stop believing so much in myself..
Maybe if I felt like I did have a flaw or an imperfection the world could criticize and pummel me in the ground for maybe I'd be a more driven individual. I might be willing to throw myself out there as a public protest against the world for the sake of telling everyone who doesn't hear me that I don't care how the world judges me... That I'll still drive myself to become vocal about the pride I have in myself.
And here, I thought I already was a might flawed.
And driven.
And confident.
And proud of myself.
I'm confused...
5:55 PM
Beaten with the DRAMA stick.
Me... Drama... Me... Drama...
I've got plenty... I don't need anymore.
If this is my debt in some cosmic sense of karmic remuneration, take it all right now, and leave me to lament for a while, K?
Cause it's leaving me feeling rather numb and empty at the moment.. Like I'm collapsing into myself. Like old used aluminum foil.
4:46 PM
Monday, March 19, 2007
TA-Roth
I wanna do some TAROT readings... Anyone want one?
-M
6:58 PM
Friday, March 16, 2007
Ugh... Seattle's coming back to haunt meeee!
Current mood: nauseated
No, not the trip itself..
But I've been feeling funny, a little lethargic.. A little not so right in the GI Track lately.. If yanno what I mean..
So I start burping these HORRIBLE sulfur burps and well, the gas doesn't stop there...
I saw this show on Animal Planet a few months ago about PARASITES... Aughhhhhh! Grosss! I KNOW!
But this has been happening since Last Sunday... Hence the DAY AFTER I had the most wonderful Seafood Rotini ever!! Halibut, Prawns, Teh most TENDER Scallops in the known universe!! Delish!!
I also filled up my 64 OZ H2O bottle at the rest stop on the way back in @ Thurston County.. I wasn't too sure about the water then, but I drank it all.. The next day I was wondering if it was POTABLE or not, but there wasn't a sign saying it wasn't.. Uh ohh...
What if I picked up a parasite?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I can't tell if I've been getting skinnier or not, cause I have as it is... But what if there's a party in my gut and I wasn't invited?!?! EEEEEEEKK! You're tellin ME!!
-M
5:09 PM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
We just made it...
Current mood: cold
We barely surivived.
The way we tend to do when we know the situation's out of our hands and in the hands of another. I could do nothing. I love feeling the lack of control. I love how I felt like my knowledge couldn't seem to get me out of this situation no matter how much I tried.
I loathe dealing with the State. Too much beeyher-ah-cracy. Too much to even get my case heard. It's during those times in which I really loathe having a blanket over me called government. Those who in places of power, cant' even shift your position as it's WAY too much work for them, or they seem to become apathetique to the cause because they themselves are so far from reality, that they eat and sleep dotted i's and crossed t's.. I'm glad someone does... No one else does.
No one else has that power over their own situation, let alone over the situation's of another's lives, unless they're in a place of absolute power or lack of understanding. I love how we're the ones who are supposed to make things happen at the State or Federal level when the loads of ridiculous ordinances and rules in place leave everyone feeling the same.. Wasted and unwanted... That is, until tax time rolls around again..
We can't fight the law.. We can't even appeal it. Because we are but one. Just another annoying No-See-Um on the rump of the government mule. But some of us are already presumable casualties. We are expendable. All in a days work. Just another number. 4 more hours till they get to go home. One more day till the weekend.. 20 more years till retirement. With great benefits. Back to the grind...
They must hate their lives so much more than the rest of us hate our lack of control and power over our surroundings. At least we feel the ease of responsibility and accountability when we decide to got out with friends, or see a show or have a coffee or something... But don't we also feel a sense of responsibility. They don't think so. They are there so we will be maintained like the roving cattle herds we are...
Drones in the government offices are colorless, opinion-less, and uncaring about the individual. They just want to make sure they aren't the ones who drop the ball when the seething rage of the elected citizens visit their cluttered cubicle realms with their bloody, chipped battle-axes calling for reform. Pray their department is the one who is missed by the devastation.
Bone crushing force creating so much pressure in the air that sound doesn't even travel! Walls shredded like paper. The low rumbling of the immanent sonic boom, right before the entire office is left in the destruction and chaos of tons of pressurized matter... Too much to comprehend. And then nothing.
And let us all forbid them to wear any other color hosiery than nude, as they have nothing to hide except their disdain in their positions of employment because the rest of society doesn't understand how much of the world really sits upon their shoulders. They are pure. They do nothing wrong. Their greater good outweighs their lack of involvement or research. Activism only gets in the way.
And they all know their jobs is so much more important because the lives of families is riding on their commonest actions. Answering the phones.. Returning calls. Pressing the Big Red Button that puts us all back on hold for another 45 minutes. Avoid another ulcer by consuming the rest of the daily bottle of Tums. Freshen their breath with Tic Tacs, so when the Sup comes by the desk and comments on how beautifully their ivy has grown, the sup can smell the breathmint over the bottle of perfume they've sprayed themselves with prior to arrival. Oh, how perfect they balance everything about themselves.
Heaven forbid they have an idea that allows their human form to float across our dimensional plane. Heaven forbid they themselves have to at one time request the services of their beloved government offices and are held at the mercy of the politic that we are all subject to. Heaven forbid they carry themselves in the the notion that they themselves are all just like us.
Once they come to the point where they realize they are just as human as the individuals they serve, their poor tiny brittle hearts will be crushed under the heavy weight of the tears they've created, but never seen. And this is more Just than anything I can bring myself to imagine...
For I would be the one to avoid turing the other cheek while I focus upon the black heart long enough to take aim and crush it under my toughened, blistered, tortured heel.
But I'm not bitter.
-M
6:03 PM
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Hey Parkrose!
I'm just adding those of you as friends that I was with at one time or another... Believe me... Growing up in the district I've known a lot of you and we were either friendly in the first, second grade, third... You get the picture. There's only a handful of us, so props, aiight?
So my take on the 15th, let's just do something or 6 hours at a park or something... Where w can bring our families.. Cause from what I can tell.. Most of us have em.. But that's just my thing..
Trust me, I'm not tryin' to come in and own the place... LOL, I never have before.
Anyway, don't trip. Just be my friend.
2:15 AM
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Maybe I'm going over the top on this...
Current mood: cynical
It won't be the first time...
On Friday, we went to go hang out for a little while at someone's house and a person was there, who, I usually bite my tongue around.. She always seems to leave me chapped...
So we walk in and do our meet and greets and happy goodness, and we were saying hello to the family dog as well, (cause just as every good family dog, you have to meet their approval to enter the premises..) and someone was saying hello to Aspen. As she does on frequent occasions, Aspen just had this quizzical look at said person and someone made a comment about how she seemed puzzled.
The person I usually bite my toungue around replies with: "That's how they all look at me."
So I respond, "Who, the dogs?" And in response by said person, they replied about how mean the comment was... What, like that was mean?? I've got a million more with just as much firepower if need be.
So, I felt I needed to say something in response because I felt appalled that she would use my daughter in reference to her sexual endeavours. I mean c'mon... Line, you.. Line, you...
And maybe that had something to do with why I felt vulnerable to more possible inappropriate behaviours, and maybe some of this was blown out of proportion.. But I still felt grossed out and pissed off by this whole thing. (Maybe cause I was a survivor of childhood violence and sexual abuse, so I know what it's like when a parent doesn't protect you from fucked up shit.)
So I wrote a message detailing how I felt and how I saw the interactions play out. I used the comment in reference, how I didn't know the person very well, and added how whenever I was around her, her sexual insecurities play out as being overbearing and unnecessary. (Seriously, why've you gotta bring up your sexual dominance in a family's home with at least one child present?)
So she responds back saying: I would never,(blah blah, blah!)
...Grew up in a family of 8 kids...(So fuckin what??)
Babies don't understand words... (Well she does just fine! We spoke to her in the womb, she uses inflection life a pro, and she's been vocal all of her natural born life, so how are you gonna tell me that she's not gonna understand you??)
...I don't understand the community.. (Cause I made a BDSM reference to the fact that she's always playin' the TOP card every time we see her.)
I should speak to others online and they would vouch.. (Why in the hell do I have to speak with anyone else when her persona every time I see her oozes of sexualized dominance?!?)
So then I reply back: "Maybe you should reconsider your comments in mixed company.
So then what's she do but start a thread about how we all make assumptions. (Because I assumed that the way she was looking at Aspen was making her uncomfortable... How do I know??