Courage ~ Love ~ Faith
Smashwords Edition.
Jacob's Courage chronicles the dazzling beauty of passionate love and enduring bravery in a lurid world where the innocent are brutally murdered. In 1939, seventeen-year-old Austrians Jacob Silverman and Rachael Goldberg are bright, talented, and deeply in love. Because they are Charles S. WeinblattJews, their families lose everything; their jobs, possessions and money, contact with loved ones, and finally their liberty.
Follow them into a decrepit ghetto, from there to a prison camp where disease and starvation are rampant and finally to the terror of Auschwitz-Birkenau, where they are forced to perform unspeakable acts of horror in order to remain alive. J JACOB'S COURAGE A Holocaust Love Story Weinblatt JACOB'S COURAGE
Holocaust Literature - Adult Reading ISBN: 978-965-7344-24-8 US $22.95
Mazo Publishers Jerusalem, Israel www.mazopublishers.com A Novel By Charles S. Weinblatt Jacob's Courage A Novel By Charles S. Weinblatt
Mazo Publishers Jerusalem, Israel Text Copyright (c) 2007 - Charles S. Weinblatt ISBN 978-965-7344-24-8 Jacob's Courage Published by: Mazo Publishers Chaim Mazo, Publisher
P.O. Box 36084 Jerusalem 91360 Israel Website: www.mazopublishers.com Email: info@mazopublishers.com USA Telephone: 1-815-301-3559 Israel Telephone: 054-7294-565 All rights reserved. This work is protected by international copyright. No part of this work may be loaded, stored, manipulated, reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information, storage and retrieval system without prior written permission from the publisher. Cover Art by Lauren Weinblatt
This book is dedicated to my father, Dr. Morris Weinblatt, whose tender love, profound insight, and courageous actions inspire me long after his death.
This book is also dedicated to the 6,000,000 Jews who perished in the Holocaust. They have been lost, but will never be forgotten.
About the Author Charles Weinblatt, a retired university administrator, is the author of published works of fiction and non-fiction.
Much of Weinblatt's maternal extended family perished in the Holocaust. Great grandparents, great aunts and uncles and many cousins disappeared into the void of Nazi annihilation. These included Rabbis, cantors, professors, and musicians. Family members who escaped from Europe now live in Argentina, Kenya, and the United States. The rest were never heard from again.
Portions of this novel were adapted from the memoirs of the author's mother, Clara Volk Weinblatt, a childhood victim of pogroms against her Russian Jewish village.
Weinblatt currently lives in Sylvania, Ohio with his wife, Fran. They have two grown children, Brian and Lauren. C
Table Of Contents
Chapter 1 ~ The Darkness Arrives
Chapter 2 ~ Jacob's Nightmare
Chapter 3 ~ The Nightmare Begins
Chapter 4 ~ Undying Love
Chapter 5 ~ Hanna's Dark History
Chapter 6 ~ The Synagogue Tragedy
Chapter 7 ~ The Hospital
Chapter 8 ~ The Final Solution
Chapter 9 ~ Forced To Leave Home
Chapter 10 ~ Life In The Ghetto
Chapter 11 ~ The Winter Of Discontent
Chapter 12 ~ Deception, The Heart Of The Enemy
Chapter 13 ~ The Train Ride
Chapter 14 ~ Witness To A Massacre
Chapter 15 ~ Theresienstadt, A New Ghetto
Chapter 16 ~ Avoiding Deportation
Chapter 17 ~ A Red Cross Visit
Chapter 18 ~ A Forbidden Wedding
Chapter 19 ~ Ariel's Deportation
Chapter 20 ~ Rachael's Terrible Ordeal
Chapter 21 ~ The Commandant's Rage
Chapter 22 ~ Rachael's Dilemma
Chapter 23 ~ A Plan For Escape
Chapter 24 ~ The Commandant's End
Chapter 25 ~ A Plan For Freedom
Chapter 26 ~ The Forest's Protection
Chapter 27 ~ Life With The Partisans
Chapter 28 ~ The First Mission
Chapter 29 ~ Recaptured
Chapter 30 ~ Reunited
Chapter 31 ~ The Partisans Without Jacob
Chapter 32 ~ Interrogation
Chapter 33 ~ Partisan Politics
Chapter 34 ~ One Last Wish Before I Die
Chapter 35 ~ The Gestapo
Chapter 36 ~ From Death's Doorway To Redemption
Chapter 37 ~ Rachael's Delivery Dilemma
Chapter 38 ~ The Checkpoint
Chapter 39 ~ A Train To Poland
Chapter 40 ~ Auschwitz
Chapter 41 ~ Life In Auschwitz
Chapter 42 ~ Birth And Death
Chapter 43 ~ Surviving Auschwitz
Chapter 44 ~ Josef Mengele
Chapter 45 ~ The Winds Of Change
Chapter 46 ~ Rachael And The Partisans
Chapter 47 ~ The Music Of Auschwitz
Chapter 48 ~ The Violin
Chapter 49 ~ The Rise Of Jacob's Courage
Chapter 50 ~ Jacob's Plan
Chapter 51 ~ Escape From Auschwitz
Chapter 52 ~ Reunion
Chapter 53 ~ Fighting Back
Chapter 54 ~ The Frantic Pace Of Mass Killing
Chapter 55 ~ Rachael's Escape
Chapter 56 ~ Sonderkommando
Chapter 57 ~ Leaving Auschwitz
Chapter 58 ~ Rachael's Struggle To Survive
Chapter 59 ~ The Death March
Chapter 60 ~ The Battle
Chapter 61 ~ Night Of The Cannons
Chapter 62 ~ The Sniper
Chapter 63 ~ The Battle's Conclusion
Chapter 64 ~ The Last Day
Chapter 65 ~ Jacob's End
Chapter 66 ~ Guilt
Chapter 67 ~ Resettlement
Jacob's Courage Chapter 1 The Darkness Arrives
The dreary, dark winter of 1939-1940 began early in the Austrian Alps. Thick, gray snow clouds rushed through the dark forest, on their way to the frosty cliffs above. It was as though nature was preparing itself for the onslaught of terror soon to follow - freezing itself from the approaching evil. Here in the cold, dark Austrian mountains near Salzburg, the world slept peacefully. Yet, horror was on the horizon.
The Nazis arrived less than a year ago. They took control over Austria without a single shot and offered everyone a better future. That is, they promised a better future for everyone except Jews, and certain other "undesirables." Had the Silverman family known what was about to happen, they would have run away as fast as their legs could carry them. But, no one could imagine the terror that awaited them. It was beyond reason and sanity. They were about to become engulfed by the darkest episode in the history of mankind.
Underneath beautiful Alpine peaks, Salzburg was a parade of Baroque motifs. Located between the mountains Kapuzinerberg and Mönchsberg, and the River Salzach, Salzburg had everything one might expect of an independent, modern Austrian city of the 1930s - small alleys, colorful homes, towering castles and palaces, gardens, churches and monasteries. Music helped to shape the culture of Salzburg, which was the birthplace of Mozart. It was heard everywhere: in churches, castles, palaces, and, of course, concert halls. The bustling "old town" section stretched along the banks of the river and was crowded with shops of all varieties. Towering above all this was the sturdy Hohensalzburg fortress. Salzburg has largely been known for its serene artistic and educational endeavors. But in 1939, peaceful Salzburg was on the brink of war.
For the few Jewish citizens of the city, 1939 marked the beginning of the end. Despite countless warning signs and numerous begging relatives, the Silverman family stayed in Europe when they should have left. Dr. Moshe Silverman silently observed these warning signs, allowing too much time to pass before making a decision. He had a chance to leave Europe, as did many of his friends and acquaintances. He could have saved his wife Hanna and their precious child, Jacob. But, like so many others, he assumed that the Nazi threat was only temporary. It would soon pass, he thought. This decision would haunt Moshe Silverman until his death.
Jacob and his parents lived in a modest apartment that was very well furnished. In most respects, they were a typical upper middle-class Austrian family. Moshe was a well-respected physician. His wife, Hanna, volunteered with the community food bank, the public school and the one small synagogue. Their son, Jacob, was a typical bright teenager. In his last year of secondary school, Jacob was planning for a career in medicine, like his father. He was deeply in love with beautiful Rachael Goldberg, whose father was also a physician in Salzburg. They attended the same school, sometimes in the same classes. Like their friends, they were busy planning for their careers - their university life. Like all adolescents, they explored their passions, desires and dreams. And, despite Nazi party threats against Jews living in Austria, Jacob and Rachael assumed that these wonderful days would continue, if not blossom into something even more magnificent. Despite the warning signs, life was superb.
Of course, Jacob and Rachael were not oblivious to the threats made upon Jews by Nazis. They heard propaganda speeches by Hitler and other Nazi leaders that blamed all of the problems of the world on Jews. They understood that Hitler had a vision for "Aryan" people, who were "destined to rule the world." They even understood that Hitler needed to create a scapegoat that would help drive the people to achieve his concept of world domination.
Hitler used propaganda to showcase Jewish wealth against the backdrop of Christian Germans who had suffered so badly after World War I. Jacob understood how this propaganda created an angry backlash against Jews. He knew that Jews had been ostracized and hated throughout Europe for generations. Many European citizens were eager to follow the Nazi lead against Jews. The rest would not consider fighting Nazi policy dictates. With no army to defend them against attack, European Jews represented the perfect scapegoat for Hitler's plans to succeed. In this effort, he was entirely successful. But Jacob had no idea how far the government would go to eliminate Jews.
Government policy soon forbade Jews from owning property. By 1938, Jewish doctors could no longer practice medicine in German hospitals. They could only serve other Jews. Jewish lawyers were forbidden from practicing law. Jewish professors were fired from university positions. Then, through forced relocation, Jews were moved into very small undesirable parts of each city. These "ghettos" were filthy, had no running water, no electricity and no city services. Dozens of Jews were forced to live in the space formerly occupied by one family. The severely cramped spaces were unbearable. Professionals and successful artisans or business owners were astonished at such repulsive living conditions. Jews were forced to wear a yellow Star of David on their clothing and were soon barred from cafes, cinema, theaters and other public places. They could shop only after the stores had served gentiles, when the aisles were empty. Jews could no longer ride buses and were forced to stand in the back of trains. German soldiers around the ghetto maintained a strict curfew. Through openly hostile propaganda, Jews became an enemy of the government and the people.
Jacob had heard his father rationalize for years that Jew-hating would be less severe in Austria than it was in Germany. He said that the Austrian government would never allow Jews to be persecuted in such a manner. Then, in 1938, with less than a whimper, Austrian leaders allowed the German army to assume governmental and logistical control, in what was called the Auschluss. The Jew hating propaganda that dominated German social consciousness spread like wildfire throughout Austria. Jacob was surprised at how quickly and easily it happened. Even so-called cultured Austrians now regarded Jews with suspicion. Myths and negative stereotypes about Jews rose to the surface. 12 The Darkness Arrives
In the autumn of 1939, the new German war in Poland was still a distant rumble, almost unheard in Austria. Families from all of Europe continued to vacation in Vienna, Innsbruck, Salzburg and Linz - as they had done for generations. The sights and sounds of the front were a remote drumbeat, or a two minute newsreel at the cinema. Nazis brought economic reforms leading to a welcome recovery that Austrians enjoyed. For many Austrians, life was better than it had been for more than a decade.
There were only a few hundred Jews in Salzburg at this time and they tended to remain within their own tight-knit group and neighborhood. The Nazi propaganda machine was always at work against Jews. In every media format, ranting government leaders projected the "dangerous Jewish menace," from the Nazi perspective. In Salzburg, it resulted in the occasional public beating of Jews, the desecration of the only synagogue and the destruction of Jewish-owned storefronts. But, in 1939, most Austrians felt at peace. Many believed that their lives were improving under the Nazi government. At best, they were indifferent to the plight of their Jewish neighbors. At worst, they plotted against them.
By the spring of 1939, apathy turned into public hatred, leading to violence. By the fall of 1938, Jacob and his Jewish friends had become public targets of hatred and violence. Most of the Christian children of Salzburg went to a new summer camp run by Nazi propagandists. They returned to their homes changed. Suddenly, these Brown-shirted youths began to routinely berate and beat Jewish children on the city streets. Synagogues throughout Germany and Austria were now burned, rather than defaced. Jewish-owned stores were vandalized and torched more frequently. It seemed that almost overnight the children of Austria had learned how to hate Jews. They did so at home, in school and through government-sponsored organizations and clubs. The public had easily become accustomed to it. Hardly a protest was heard. Deprived of work, homes, bank accounts and permission to travel, the Jews of Salzburg were on a fast track to destruction.
Jacob, who rarely heard his parents argue, suddenly found them in heated discussions about leaving Austria. On almost a daily basis, his mother asked if Moshe had found immigration visas for a safe country. Jacob's father would shake his head and change the topic of discussion. At first, like his father, Jacob dismissed the threat. He knew that his mother was high-strung. She had a propensity for anxiety and depression. But, many of his friends had already left with their parents. The Jewish population of Salzburg was indeed shrinking. And, well-known Jews, such as Albert Einstein, had made no secret of why they abandoned Europe. Were those families jumping the gun? Did they really need to leave? Would not the current danger pass one day soon? Moshe seemed to think that the Nazis would eventually give up on Jew-hating. But, Jacob had become increasingly troubled about gaining admittance to a university of his choice.
By late 1939, Jews who attempted to flee found freedom elusive. Almost no other country would take them in. Immigration laws in most free countries at the time involved the use of quotas. Many Jews who escaped before the beginning of the Nazi takeover had obtained foreign visas. However, once a country's quota for Jews had been filled, the doors were closed. Many Jews who thought that they had managed to escape the iron fist of Nazi control were eventually sent back to Europe, to endure persecution and death in concentration camps. Eventually, the majority of Europe's Jewish population became stranded in their home countries. Then, Nazis systematically deported Jews to internment and death camps. Sadly, Western countries refused to alter immigration quotas for Jews, even when evidence of German death camps had become well-known. Millions of innocent men, women and children were doomed to an untimely death at the hands of Nazis. Why the Allies didn't save them, Jacob would never know.
For the Jews of Salzburg, the world had radically changed. Only a fortunate few had managed to escape to other countries. Those who remained were about to become victims of the most despicable crime in the history of mankind. They were swept into the horrors of the Holocaust.
Chapter 2 Jacob's Nightmare
In the third floor bedroom of a tightly grouped set of gray apartment buildings, seventeen year-old Jacob Silverman tossed and turned in his bed. A fierce winter storm had dumped new snow on the city overnight. In the forest below, the wind slowly began to abate. Evergreen trees were bending with the stress of the ice and snow. They began to creak and moan with each gust of wind. Smoke drifted up from chimneys in the city above, surrounded by a sentinel of towering gray mountains. The heavy snow drifted into huge rounded white cliffs, hanging across rooftops and piling against the sides of buildings. Slowly, one-by-one, pale yellow lights emerged inside homes. Salzburg was awakening. Early risers pushed the snow from streets and walkways with brooms and shovels. Engulfing this scene was complete and breathtaking silence. Not even a birdcall could be heard. In Salzburg, the world was asleep and at peace in its windswept isolation. The forest below the mountains was a soft and quiet world.
Sweating profusely, Jacob's sleep was disturbed by a horrible vision. He was oblivious to the scratching of a tree branch against his window. Under closed lids, his eyes darted quickly in every direction. Young Jacob was experiencing the worst nightmare of his life.
In this horrific nightmare, Jacob was older by several years. He was also extremely thin. More than that, he was emaciated. Jacob wore a strange costume. It looked like gray pajamas with vertical red stripes. A Star of David was emblazoned upon the front. On his head was a cap of the same coarse fabric. He looked around the huge red brick walled room, filled with acrid smoke and ash. It was some sort of furnace room. The heat was unbearable. And there was a disgusting odor. It smelled like burned meat - but not exactly. The stench was sickly-sweet.
Jacob stood in front of an enormous blazing oven. Mechanical trays were built in front of openings into the fire. Men dressed like Jacob were continuously pushing similar large objects into the fire on the mechanical trays. Other men scrambled to bring more of the large things into the room for the fire. The fire itself was so large and intense that it produced a deep thundering sound. It shook the foundations of the room and the entire building. Jacob thought that it sounded like a speeding locomotive. He was sweating profusely and lightheaded. He was also overwhelmed with exhaustion and his muscles ached fiercely. But how could he feel such pain when it was only a dream? Thoughts were spinning around in his confused mind. This dream is more real than life itself. Ash filled the room everywhere. He choked on it. The ash was in his nose, his throat and upon his clothes. In his eyes, it reduced his visual acuity. The ubiquitous ash floated constantly through the air, like tiny white snowflakes. He soon found it difficult to breathe.
Looking around the room slowly, Jacob saw three other openings into the huge fire on his side. He assumed that there were additional openings on the other side. This was by far the largest furnace that he had ever seen. The heat coming from the gargantuan fire was sweltering. Jacob had never been in a place like this in his life. How did I get here? What is it all about? What are these people burning? He was surrounded by red brick walls; with large gray stains above the various openings where men were busy feeding the fire. Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? He was holding onto a large gray iron platform, built like a huge heavy tray with rollers to slide the large objects into the blazing inferno. Men dressed like Jacob continued to push things into the fire on the large trays. But, his vision was blurred by ashes. He could barely see at all. What are those things going into the fire?
Above the room, through cracks in the wooden floor, Jacob could see a towering chimney, belching thick clouds of ash and gray smoke. The fire was so intense that it erupted above the chimney. Like a monstrous flame atop a gigantic brick candle, the chimney pushed out prolific smoke. There was so much smoke above the building that Jacob could not tell if it was night or day. People scurried around the room. Each man seemed to have his own distinct duty in this strange factory. Their faces were coated with ash, giving them the appearance of whitefaced actors in a sickening play. It was hard for Jacob to breathe without inhaling more of the ever-present ash. He was getting dizzy. Where the hell am I?
Jacob stared at the men next to him, who pushed those prodigious things into the giant fire as fast as they could. They pushed the heavy things into the inferno and then pulled the trays back, empty. These men never looked up, continuously feeding the fires. Jacob felt completely alive. His heart was pounding. Am I dreaming? If so, no other dream felt so much like reality! The images and sounds were altogether too real for a dream. Jacob held onto his own large empty tray, trying to catch his breath. Looking at his left arm, he noticed numbers tattooed in dark blue. Why would I have numbers on my arm?
Around him, the bustling work went on. The costumed men pushed and pulled upon the huge bins, continuously delivering the large items into the fire. These men were also emaciated. But, what were those items going into the fire? They reminded Jacob of life-sized dolls of naked people. Of course, that's impossible. His vision remained blurry, no matter how many times he wiped his eyes. He could taste the acrid ash in his mouth. Jacob felt certain that he was about to pass out.
All the while, fierce looking black uniformed men with helmets and machine guns were shouting at the workers in German. The dark-uniformed soldiers had the letters "SS" upon their collars. For some unknown reason, Jacob thought that the soldiers were named "Waffen." Just below the thunderous sound of the fire, there were other sounds. Doors were opening and closing. Carts were crashing together. A large elevator screeched as it moved up and down, and workers carried carts with squealing wheels. But the tremendous deep roar of 16 Jacob's Nightmare the furnace was overwhelming. It was deafening.
Jacob wondered why people were yelling at him in German. Everyone he knew spoke Yiddish. Why would German soldiers be screaming at him? One soldier was irate at Jacob and walking in his direction. Jacob could not imagine why he was in this hellish place. In fact, Jacob had never been so confused in his life. But he increasingly began to realize that he was in trouble. This horribly realistic dream was exploding upon Jacob's mind and he had no idea how to deal with it.
Jacob's eyes continued to dart around the room. He tried to focus on the things that were being carried into the room. The "items" being burned were white and gray lumps of something, he thought. He rubbed his eyes again and again. Then, as his vision finally cleared, he was able to gaze into the furnace directly in front of him. Inside the blazing inferno, Jacob saw... bodies! The reality of this horrendous concept burst upon his fragile mind. Jacob realized with sudden horror, that the fire was filled with burning people! The Germans are burning people! Jacob felt suddenly nauseous and he began to retch. He doubled over as his stomach cramped. But there was no food to come up. He was emaciated. Instead, a long thin, silver stream of mucous dripped from his gaping mouth, falling lazily to the dusty, ash-covered floor. But nothing else came out. Jacob felt certain that he had been starved for quite some time.
As he focused on the bodies in the fire, Jacob saw that the victims were females of every age. Girls and women - all consumed in flames! What horror! Then, suddenly, two workers dumped a cart filled with more women and girls in front of Jacob's tray. He watched in awe as the two men began loading the victims onto the platform in front of Jacob. All of the victims were naked, and it appeared that they were already dead. Their heads had been shaved. Some had a number tattooed on their left breast or arm. With no hair, they looked like large, puffy dolls. Their bodies bounced and wiggled as they were picked up and placed on the trays. Some were soiled with feces and urine. Many had froth or blood coming from their mouths and nostrils. But none of them had bullet holes. Something else had killed them. Jacob's mind was bending under the weight of this terror. What manner of hell is this?
The faces of the dead appeared expressionless to Jacob; their eyes sunken and distant. They stared at him as though waiting for an explanation. If they could speak, he was certain that they would ask why he was about to burn them. Many of the bodies were purple on the bottom and white on top. Some had tanned faces below white skulls, where their hair had been shaved. Jacob's mind stretched hard to comprehend this inconceivable panorama. It was too real to be a dream. And it was too frightening to be reality. Perhaps it is a hallucination. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. All the while, the screaming German soldier was walking Jacob's way with hostility in mind. He repeated to himself, "This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't' be real. This can't be real..." He then opened his eyes, but with the same dreadful result. The vile furnace room remained. And the German soldier who was screaming at Jacob was getting closer.
Jacob trembled as he watched the constant motion of the room. Bodies were continually brought into the room. A large dump truck now appeared at one doorway. Men dressed like Jacob dragged bodies from it. They were again all women and girls without hair, except for their pubic hair. The bodies that came from inside the building arrived in large gray steel bins on wobbly wheels that squeaked as they moved against the red brick floor. There were six to eight bodies per bin. As the bins were brought near front of the large trays, men picked up the bodies, placed them upon the tray and then shoved them into the thundering fire.
The men who were dressed like Jacob carried the bodies over their shoulders, on their backs - as though they were carrying huge sacks of grain. The children and babies were carried by an arm or a leg. Jacob was repulsed as he watched the men throw the tiny bodies into stacks or upon the trays. He watched this horrific scene unfold in utter amazement. Jacob had never seen people slinging babies and small children around and throwing them into stacks, like human toys. He understood that the babies were dead. Yet, it seemed so unnatural and disrespectful to throw bodies around carelessly. Jacob's mind was now bending toward insanity. The things he saw in this room were virtually... unthinkable. Even Nazis could not stoop so low!
Most of the workers here were strong young men, although there were a few older men in the same striped "uniform." He watched their faces as they scurried about the room performing their various functions. Their faces are like stone! They worked furiously, as though their masters' whips were at their backs. Jacob felt sickened as he watched them pick up babies and very small children by a leg or an arm, flinging the tiny bodies around as they would a rag doll. Their eyes are so cold and distant! He imagined that each of them had shut out the mindless horror of the task that they were assigned.
The room was a symphony of motion. Bodies came in from two different locations. Some workers brought them in. Other workers stacked the bodies in front of the oven openings. The two workers that had just brought bodies to Jacob's furnace opening walked away. These bodies were apparently "for Jacob." On top of the pile, he saw an old woman, a middle-aged woman and a girl. The woman and child appeared malnourished. The old woman had deep circles under her eyes and bruise marks all around her body. The girl appeared to be seven or eight years old. Perhaps it was a woman with her daughter and grandchild. Their facial features were similar. They each had smears of blood around their nostrils and mouths. Otherwise, they seemed peaceful, as though they were asleep. But their eyes were wide open. Their eyes seemed to plead with Jacob for help. But it was too late for help.
Who were these people, thought Jacob? What did they do to deserve this? What right did the Nazis have to arbitrarily kill innocent people, particularly women and children? At this instant, Jacob began to wonder if these victims were all Jewish. He knew that his fellow workers were Jewish. Each had a Star of David emblazoned upon the left front of their "pajamas." Are the victims also Jewish? Was Hitler really destroying the Jewish presence in Europe? It is not just an idle threat? Jacob had always understood that Hitler needed to make Jews a scapegoat. He needed someone to blame for the lost war and hopeless 18 Jacob's Nightmare economy. But Jacob's father had told him these were only threats.
In his dream, Jacob felt as though he had been there for many months. In a strange and obscene way, he had come to feel that he was emotionally attached to this part of the furnace. Although the inside of the furnace was one large container, the opening on the far left side was "Jacob's." He had come to feel that it was actually an extension of him, assigned by God. It had become his own instrument of destruction for the Germans. But, why am I cooperating with the Nazis?
Somehow, Jacob felt that he controlled the portion of the huge fire inside his doorway. Yes, this is my fire. I control the pathway, leading thousands of people to oblivion. Jacob had come to believe that he, in some ritualistic way, ruled this pathway. As the bodies were brought to him, he directed them into the inferno for their final destruction. To Jacob, this was an overwhelmingly powerful responsibility. It seemed to him the most responsible job that he had ever had. But why was he selected to send so many of his people to the end of their existence? It seemed difficult for Jacob to differentiate his task from himself. In a sense, it became him. He felt both guilty for helping the Nazis and glad to still be alive. Yet, those feelings were mutually exclusive. What right do I have to live, when so many innocent Jews died here? The feeling of guilt was ghastly - beyond description. The pain of it was like a splinter inside his brain. He was captivated by the pain. It was leading him beyond the limits of sanity.
As his broken mind continued to disintegrate, Jacob called to the dead people who arrived at his fire by the thousands. Come one, come all. Come men, women and children, come doctors, come lawyers, come students, come policemen, come nurses, come tailors, come carpenters, come Rabbis, come butchers, come teenagers, and come grandparents. I am Jacob, and I must turn you into ashes.
Had Jacob come to view his job with pride? Yes, he did the Nazi's job well. But how could anyone be proud of burning innocent people? The torment was crushing his fragile mind. Oh, the depths of distress that awaited Jacob for doing his job well. But he soon came to realize that his distress did not arise from doing his job well, but from living. Why am I allowed to live? Guilt now motivated Jacob powerfully. His life had been reduced to the most pathetic existence possible, in which he fed fires of vengeance against his own people. Jacob was allowed to stay alive as long as there were more Jews to cremate. He could feel his mind splitting, cracking down the middle. His anguish was insurmountable. Finally, Jacob screamed at the ceiling. "Why me, God?" There was no reply.
The man next to Jacob was loading bodies onto his tray and pushing them into the fire as fast as he could. As he was doing this, he was softly saying Kaddish, a prayer for the dead, in Hebrew. Jacob's heart pounded so hard, he was afraid it would burst through his chest at any moment. Thoughts bounced swiftly through his mind. No matter what people think about Jews, how could anyone mastermind something as horrible as this? And even if Hitler was mad, how could he convince his soldiers to do something so evil? Certainly, no sane person would do something this hideous, no matter what they believe from German propaganda. Yet, the Germans were supervising this hideous task. Jacob noticed that all of the German soldiers had the "SS" insignia on their uniform. Only monsters could do such a terrible thing to other people. The SS must consist of the most barbarous of all of the German soldiers. And yet, there were some prisoners, like Jacob, who were bosses. Their name was Kapo. They did the dirty work for the German soldiers, who he thought were called Waffen. How can Jews do such things to other Jews? How can I even know such terrible things?
Jacob then realized why he performed this appalling function for the Nazis. He did it to survive. But was it worth it? Who wants to live with the knowledge that he destroyed thousands of innocent people - including children? Certainly death would be better than this! But underneath his torment, Jacob understood that his own death would soon arrive. The Germans changed the crematoria crew every month or two. Those from the old crew would be killed. The new crematoria crew then burned the bodies of the old crew. And that is how the system works, month after month, year after year - until there are no more bodies left to burn - until there are no more Jews left to kill. His shift was long overdue. He knew that when the next train arrived with men physically suitable to the task, his group would be killed and someone just like him would burn their bodies.
Jacob recalled the words that were on the gate above the entrance to this ignominious death camp. The wrought-iron letters spelled out "Arbeit Macht Frei," which means "Work Makes You Free." How ironic, thought Jacob. The "freedom" promised to them was their own death. How can anyone do these things? Just the thought of touching a corpse was sickening to Jacob. How can these men carry them around and dump them in piles? These are human beings! Some of them could have been their own family! How can they put them into the fire? Then, a terrible thought passed through Jacob's mind. It was the most painful thought that he had ever had. What if I have to burn the bodies of Rachael or my parents? His mind was now spinning out of control. Trembling, he was overcome by a wave of nausea.
Suddenly, Jacob was pushed very hard from behind. As he fell towards the open furnace, his face was singed. His head passed dangerously close to the flames. He could hear the hissing sound of his burning hair. The entire right side of his face was scorched. He stretched out his right arm and just barely grasped the tray before falling into the furnace. A wave of pain passed through his body. He fell on the ground, hitting the hot brick floor awkwardly, sending a cloud of ash up and around him and a stinging pain into his hip. He began coughing, as his nostrils filled with ashes. The right side of his face tingled and hurt simultaneously where it had been burned.
Jacob sat upon the brick floor and watched as the ash displaced from his fall made slow circles, floating in waves around the room. Bits of ash landed everywhere, on the uniforms of the soldiers, on the faces of workers, on the tray next to him, even on the bodies as they were carried into the room. It reminded Jacob of snowflakes falling gently on a windless day.
With astonishment, Jacob realized that he was inhaling all that remained from hundreds of Jews, perhaps thousands! Those tiny bits of ash were the remaining molecules of all of those innocent people, burned by these kapos. The 20 Jacob's Nightmare realization was like a punch in his stomach and it made him sick. He began to retch again. Nothing happened. He retched over and over again as the comprehension of this insane reality was physically overpowering. "This can't be happening... This can't be happening... This can't be happening." Jacob repeated this sentence softly to himself while he moved up to rest on his knees. His hands and legs trembled.
Workers dressed like Jacob stared at him as they continued their frantic pace. Jacob became obsessed with the ash. It was on their uniforms, their faces, and their hands. Random, useless thoughts emerged. The ashes must be buried by a Rabbi. To Jacob, the men looked like frightened ghosts in some lurid story. Their faces held no expression save fear; no remorse, no anger, no frustration... nothing but constant, grueling fear. They moved like panicky machines from place to place, turning former friends and relatives into tiny bits of white ash. It was a scene from the worst possible nightmare. But it was Jacob's nightmare and it seemed more real than life.
The German soldier that had been screaming at Jacob finally arrived. He looked like any other German soldier. In his late 20s, he was tall, with blonde hair tucked neatly into his helmet. His blue eyes glared at Jacob, burning into him. He looked quite formidable, with his black helmet, black uniform, flashing SS pins, machine gun and neatly holstered Lugar pistol. As he watched, Jacob could not hear the words of the German soldier. In fact, he could hear nothing except the thundering fire. He had been temporarily made deaf from his encounter with the furnace door. It was then that the tall, young soldier suddenly stopped screaming and slowly removed the Lugar from its holster.
The German soldier drew his gun and moved toward Jacob, staring at him with indignant admonition. Then, the look on the Nazi's face suddenly changed from anger to one of decision. Jacob was reasonably certain that the soldier had decided to "fire" him from his job of shoveling dead people into the immense furnace. That thought made Jacob smile, as he assumed that he would be "transferred" to a different job in the camp.
However, Jacob's smile was not well received by the soldier. He screamed at Jacob in indignant German. Jacob noticed in an offhand manner that his accent had a touch of Bavarian. "What is it with you Jews?" scowled the tall young man with piercing blue eyes. "Do you think you're here for a vacation?" With that, the soldier pointed the shiny black gun at Jacob's head. Jacob trembled; as he realized that being "fired" could also have more permanent consequences. He was about to be shot for dereliction of duty. His heart pounded heavily in his chest. A shock ran up and down his spine. The hairs on the back of his neck pointed up. His breath came rapidly, in short gasping sounds.
Jacob realized with sudden dread that this would be his last moment alive. He felt blood rushing through his head. Perspiration formed tiny droplets on the back of his hands. He was lightheaded and nauseous. Jacob looked around at the other kapos, who continued working while staring at him. In tattered clothing and covered with human ashes, they walked to and fro with sad expressions. Most were young men, like Jacob. They stared at him in solemn, heartrending silence. Behind Jacob, the immense red brick furnace continued to roar. This isn't real! This isn't real! This isn't real!
The SS soldier slowly cocked the weapon, and aimed the gun directly at Jacob's temple. Everything seemed to suddenly slow down. The kapos staring at him moved more slowly. Jacob's eyes darted around the smoky room. With the steady movement of someone who had done this many times, the German backed himself away as far as possible. He did this to avoid getting blood on his handsome black uniform. Jacob watched in terror as the soldier's finger slowly squeezed the trigger backwards. You won't die because this is just a dream! Isn't it just a dream?
Suddenly the gun fired. Jacob was deafened by the roaring sound, even through the din of the furnace. A swath of flame and smoke left the gun's barrel. Jacob felt a huge jolt of pain in his head. Then, he was lost in darkness. The sounds of the world were gone. He could feel, hear or see nothing. Velvety darkness gradually encased him in a black vacuum from which nothing could emerge. Jacob became... nothing... within impenetrable darkness. Oh my God in Heaven... I'm dead!
Suddenly, in the empty darkness, Jacob heard a voice. At first it was so faint that he could barely hear it at all. Slowly, the voice drew closer to Jacob. He trembled in the cold, dark, terrible obscurity. It is a voice! It is a woman's voice! Could an angel be calling my name? Yes, someone was definitely calling to him! Suddenly, he recognized the voice. It was his mother! She was demanding something from him. But, he could not hear her words. What is she saying? Is my mother dead too? No! She was telling him to get up. His ears were still ringing from the gunshot. Where is she? I can't see her! Jacob struggled to find his mother in the darkness. I must save Mother! Jacob understood that he had to save her from this horrible fate. He struggled mightily, but he could not move.
Time passed. He tried to move again, this time with some success. His legs moved. He pushed as hard as he could in an effort to stand up. Soon, he could move his arms. He pushed and then pushed again. This time, he was able to sit upright. He opened his eyes and this time there was light!
Jacob Silverman awoke with a shudder, covered in sweat and sitting upright in his bed. His heart was pounding and his chest hurt. Jacob was trembling uncontrollably. Sick to his stomach, he retched twice. But, Jacob managed to avoid vomiting. He heard his mother calling to him.
"Jacob, it's time to wake up," she screamed. "Come on now! Get out of bed. Breakfast is almost ready!"
Jacob sat up in his bed, breathless, perspiring and trembling. He thought about how his parents had been fighting over whether or not they should leave Austria. Suddenly, the idea seemed to possess incrementally more merit. It was a moment of epiphany. Jacob was still overcome by the reality of his nightmare. It seemed as real as waking life itself. Something deep inside told Jacob that his life was about to change in a significant way. He understood that changes were in motion that could never be altered. He felt as though some strange destiny was calling to him. But, he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Therefore, he did what any adolescent would do. He put it out of his mind, preferring to think of more esthetically enjoyable aspects of life.
Chapter 3 The Nightmare Begins
Peeking through the curtains of his bedroom window, Jacob saw that a heavy snow had arrived overnight, drifting and altering the beautiful landscape outside his window. He loved this mountain city. It had always been his home. Jacob estimated that at least eight inches of new snow blanketed the city. He could barely see the tops of the bushes in front of the library across the street. Only the light-blue domes and spires of the Old City were visible against the vast whiteness of the mountains. Jacob loved to look out at new snow cover. It gave him the impression that the dirt of the world had somehow been replaced by this wonderful, pure covering.
Since it was Saturday, Jacob prepared to go to synagogue with his parents. He wondered if many people would be there, considering the heavy new snow. Gazing at the white-capped mountains surrounding his city, Jacob wondered why anyone would ever want to leave it. He lived in the part of town known as the "Jewish Section." It was simply the place where all of his family and friends lived. He felt no better or worse for living there. And, although his family was financially comfortable, Jacob's parents had shown him what poverty was like at an early age. Each year, just before Christmas, Jacob and his parents volunteered to serve food to the homeless at a local soup kitchen. They also took cooked meals to poor farming families just outside of town. Jacob felt sorry for the poor families of Salzburg. He realized how fortunate he was that his father earned a good income. And, he realized how sad it would feel to be poor.
But, what made Salzburg a paradise to Jacob right now was that it contained a certain Miss Rachael Goldberg. For the past two years, he had fallen deeply in love with her. While he considered the possibility that people his age often lust after girls, more so than love them, Jacob was not at all confused. They had been together almost constantly for the past year. Recently, they had begun kissing. Jacob could see love in her eyes too. Those tender, large brown eyes pulled at Jacob as gravity pulled upon him. Some grand chemical explosion had taken place within his brain and Jacob was madly, passionately, intensely in love. He never imagined that another human being could so completely capture his heart and his head. It felt frightening and wonderful. Jacob Silverman was incredibly happy. The world was theirs for the taking.
Jacob sat in the living room with his father, waiting for his mother so that they could leave for the synagogue. It seemed that they always were waiting for his mother when they went somewhere. Jacob hated being late for anything. However, it allowed time for Jacob and his father to have a long and important conversation. The radio was on. It was broadcasting another Nazi speech cursing Jews as the cause of world war. Jacob wondered if people really believed this nonsense.
Jacob and his father gazed down in anxious silence as the radio announcer droned on and on in his deep, metallic voice. "Germany is united in stamping out the Jewish vermin who daily poison our lives with their greed and deceitfulness. For too many generations the good Aryan people have allowed the Jewish traitors to live amongst us. But we will no longer tolerate their social and political treachery. Jews are the greatest evil in Europe. The have plans, along with their communist brethren, to take over the world. Every good citizen of Europe should point out the Jew and make him pay for what he has done to us. See who has the money that starving Aryans deserve. Yes, while the good, hard-working Aryan people of Europe starve, the Jews live in luxury. They have moved into our cities and towns and stolen our money. Greed and deceit is their way. Yes, Jews everywhere plot to control the good Aryan people. They plot against us in their minyans." Jacob and his father looked at each other with matching horrified stares.
The announcer continued, unabated. "But, your government has taken bold action to eliminate the Jewish danger. As I speak today, labor camps are being built to house the Jewish menace. They must wear their Star of David everywhere, so that we may protect our children from their evil influence. We know it to be true that Jews carry lice and spread disease among us. They are truly vermin. The Jew serves the devil himself. Therefore, we must punish the Jew. We must move them away from our dear Aryan children, least they poison our precious offspring with their mindless treachery. Jews are parasites. They are the lowest form of life. As such, they do not deserve to live amongst us. We will never surrender in our glorious fight to punish the evil Jew." Moshe finally had enough. He stood up, walked over to the radio and turned it off. Jacob noted with sadness how his father's posture was now slumped, where it was once upright. His father wore an expression of sorrow.
With each speech, Jews had become less safe in Salzburg. During the past few months there had been an increase in crime against Jews. Jewish-owned storefronts were smashed. Stores were burned. The municipal firemen made little effort to rescue a burning Jewish structure. Jewish physicians found fewer and fewer gentile patients in their waiting rooms. Customers disappeared at all types of Jewish stores. Accountants and lawyers found themselves serving no one. After every propaganda meeting, more Jews became targets. Life was changing very fast now. And, while Jacob had complete trust in his father, he began to wonder if it was too late to escape. For the first time in his life, Jacob was truly frightened.
"Father," Jacob said softly, "Are we really leaving Austria? Have you found passage for us to another country?" Jacob knew that his mother had been badgering his father to find a safe place for them to live for years. She had been experiencing her "premonitions" again. Jacob recalled listening to his mother's premonitions as a child. She told his father that something very bad was coming and that the entire family should leave. She tried to persuade her sisters, who lived in Poland. Every few days Hanna would lecture Moshe about the need to escape. Jacob suddenly realized that his mother could be right. Moshe fought against Hanna's desire to emigrate. Like Jacob, Moshe found Salzburg a beautiful place to live. Moshe had begun the process of seeking political asylum only 24 The Nightmare Begins recently. Was it now too late?
Moshe looked briefly at Jacob and then looked down at the floor. He seemed preoccupied. "No, Jacob. I haven't found anything yet. I've tried at least a dozen embassies. It seems like no other country will admit Jews at this time. Their quotas are filled for this year and next year - or so they say. Some people say that Jews are safe in Hungary. I will try them again next."
Anti-Semitism now permeated the soft and silent city of Salzburg. Of course, it had been with some families for many generations. But, now it appeared in schools, hospitals and even in churches. The town population, which had already viewed Jews with suspicion, now avoided them altogether. Many townspeople believed that Jews were responsible for killing Jesus. They spoke of Jews as being "clannish" and considered the Jews' spoken language, a corrupted form of German called Yiddish, with disdain. Many people suggested that all Jews were wealthy, regardless of their appearance or standard of living. They appeared "strange" to the gentile population of Salzburg. While it had not prevented commerce between the two groups, these differences had always seemed to be just under the surface of conversation. But the influence of overt prejudice now poisoned the entire community. It was growing stronger day by day, fed by German propaganda. Hitler had made everyone afraid of Jews. He was divisive, with an unrelenting purpose. He drove his wicked policies into smaller and smaller communities, until everyone felt that they had to appear against the Jews. Meanwhile, he drove the Jews out of their comfortable homes and into deplorable ghettos. He stole their bank accounts and businesses. He confiscated their art, jewelry and valuable heirlooms. Deportation of Jews to labor and death camps in the East was a constant threat. Many Nazis absconded with Jewish property for themselves.
As he sat with his father and listened to the Nazi diatribe on the radio, Jacob sank into despair. His thoughts drifted back in time to his first real punishment at the hands of Nazi youth.
He was fifteen years old, walking home from school with his friends, Isaac and Saul. They were younger; ten and twelve. But, since they lived in the same apartment building, Jacob always walked home from school with them. The tenblock trip was typically boring, accompanied by broken conversation and on some days, extreme cold. The three boys exchanged small talk and pleasantries, although none of them considered each other close friends. Then, one day, the brown shirts arrived. Everything changed after that. Just thinking about it made Jacob shiver.
The words emanating from the radio passed by Jacob's ear as a distant chattering, while his mind traveled back in time. He and his two younger friends were at the corner of Kautzlgasse and Altgasse, walking home from school. It was late November, almost Hanukkah, and Jacob's breath streamed out in front of him as he walked. It was so cold that day. It was the coldest day of the fall. There was almost a kilometer between school and home. This day, the frigid wind whipped up snow and deposited it against the windward side of every building. On a day like this, walking with the wind at your back was a blessing. Walking directly into such a frigid wind could turn one's face into a tangle of stinging skin. If your breath came out and then went sideways, that meant a partial stinging from the wind. But, if your breath streamed out in front of you, then the wind was gratefully upon your back, and at least for one day, your face would not take a beating.
November 29, 1938, was like that. Jacob recalled the bitter wind. Neither he, nor his traveling companions spoke of it, although it had to be on their minds. They had only one thing to fear, other than the cold wind, while walking home from school - the "brown shirts." The brown shirts were a group of fearsome gentile boys who were bent upon hurting Jews. They seemed to model themselves upon the black-uniformed Waffen SS soldiers, who had spread chaos and death upon Jews and other "undesirables." They often whipped themselves into a fury at the town meeting hall. After that, they went "hunting" for Jewish kids. Many of Jacob's friends had been beaten badly by those evil kids. Jacob recalled that they were more than halfway home with no one in sight. He believed that the danger was gone that blustery day. It must have been too cold for hunting, or so he thought. Unfortunately, he was wrong.
Jacob stopped at the southeast corner. Behind them leafless trees bent with the wind, like giant gray skeletons resisting the relentless push of nature. To the front, the boys could see the edges of the town. We're almost home! Their boots made a crunching sound with each step upon packed-down snow. A large black panel truck slid through the snow-covered intersection. Jacob waited for his two companions to arrive. Suddenly, something felt wrong to Jacob.
When the younger boys caught up, they turned south onto Altgasse. Walking was treacherous, as there was ice underneath the snowfall. Cars and buses traveled in the same narrow pathways through the snowy streets, with steam and smoke trailing out from their warm tailpipes. Sidewalks in front of businesses were mostly shoveled, although elsewhere the footing remained troublesome. Even with boots, it was almost impossible to walk rapidly without falling. The howling wind built huge drifts, obscuring some local landmarks and signs. Were it not for the dangerous Brown Shirts, this trip could actually be fun.
Halfway between Altgasse and Breitenfelder, the small stores gave way to scrubby empty lots, abandoned garages and sheds. Snow blew into Jacob's eyes as they turned into the wind. The tiny white flakes were pushed sideways by the fierce wind as they fell from steel-gray skies. It was beginning to darken. The days were so short now. Jacob's eyes began to water, reacting to the wind and snow. For no particular reason, Jacob turned and looked behind them. It was so hard to see that day. My eyes were filled with tears and melted snow. How could they get so close to us without my knowledge?
Jacob was startled to see five older students walking briskly in his direction, all of them wearing brown shirts with Nazi swastika emblems. Despite the cold and wind, the boys proudly wore their Nazi shirts on the outside, over their coats. Nothing, it seemed, would prevent these kids from proudly displaying their Nazi symbols. Jacob hated those twisted crosses. The boys and young men who wore the swastika armbands seemed bent upon flashing them into the face of every Jew that passed them by. Jacob hated them because they picked openly upon women and children. They enjoyed inflicting fear and distress upon the 26 The Nightmare Begins weakest of Jacob's people.
Watching the brown shirts approaching, Jacob's heart fluttered. He quickly looked in every direction for people. We'll be all right in a crowd. Where is everyone? They would all be safe if they could just blend into a group of adults. But adults were nowhere to be found. It was simply too cold to be outside. Minutes earlier they were surrounded by dozens of people. But they had passed the stores, cafes and shops of Sterneckstrasse and the crowds of shoppers were gone.
Jacob opened his mouth to tell his friends to be quiet, that they were in trouble, when he suddenly saw five more brown-shirted older boys heading in their direction from Breitenfelder. Jacob's heart raced up into his throat and began to pound heavily. Each of them had heard the Jew-hating speeches on the radio. Last summer most of their gentile friends had gone away to a special camp. They returned hating Jews. Even though Jacob recalled playing with some of these boys as children, they were now eager to punish him. He had become an enemy. Jacob had never hated anyone. But, these brown-shirted boys wanted desperately to hurt him and his friends - and only because they were Jews.
Jacob heard the fearful radio broadcast as he recalled the terrible fear of that snowy afternoon. Austrian residents were implored to "wipe out the Jewish menace." The announcer told the audience that it was now the citizen's responsibility to repel the Jew and drive him out from our Aryan land. "They are a cancer, a curse upon the true Aryan people. This Jew festers and draws its sustenance upon us. It is now a matter of national pride and dignity that Jews be punished for their crimes and pestilence against society."
It was in this climate that ten boys in brown shirts approached Jacob and his companions with malice and hatred in their hearts. Many of them felt pride in pummeling Jews as their "civic duty." None of them felt the slightest compassion or empathy for the smaller boys who had done nothing to offend them.
It began to snow harder, the heavy white flakes driving at Jacob's eyes each time he turned around. The snowflakes stung his eyes and made it increasingly difficult to see. The boys behind were closer than the boys in front, and they were gaining ground rapidly. Jacob spoke rapidly and with authority. "Isaac, Saul... come closer." The other boys knew from the tone of Jacob's voice that something was wrong. Jacob spoke, almost in a whisper. "We're in trouble." The smaller boys swiveled their heads rapidly in every direction. When they looked back at Jacob, their eyes were wide with fear.